Hm, happy day

Fun day...

Random man yells at in the office in a way loud OUTDOORS voice, " Whasup!"  as I ask how I can help him. He says " where's my drink, isn't this a bar". I replied " If you think this is a bar, you been cut off, you've had too much". 

I ask my patient if they want to bill insurance. "Yes, I do!!"  Ok, I ask, what kind do you have. 

"Don't know" and sits and stares at me. For a long time. Time ticks by. I try again, your employer, your medical, do you have a card or id number?!  The wife pipes up "well, that would be a breach of info to give that". 

Oh dear! Let me go and feel my brain meet a brick wall. 

Maybe they will fire me. 

On other note to make you feel better about yourself.... 

This was the compliment that coworker gave me today. She was saying about that she broke out in hives on Christmas Eve. And they looked terrible, red, puffy, she said. "Like your forehead" as she points at my head. 

I teased her about it later and she says " well, I'm honest". 

Put the shovel down, PUT it down! 

Oh good grief, I already feel as ugly as a smashed bug on a windshield of a 48 hr trip. Thank you. 

Happy post Christmas or Happy New Year's Eve Eve.  Take your pick. 

Overwhelmed with Blessings

We got to sleep in and snuggle before we headed out for the whole day.  My dear sister-in-law made us sticky buns, so we had breakfast in bed.  We tried to absorb peace, quietness to calm our spirits for the day. 
I have not been a hug type of person.  I always said that I have a 'bubble of comfort space around me'.  Fortunately, I have friends that pushed themselves through my bubble space, and stayed.
I'm trying to change, my goal was to give lots of hugs for Christmas day, I gave a few and what a blessing of love.  Don't know why this is such a struggle for me, but I'm trying to open my heart and real.
Lunch was with his family, dinner with my family.  Just home in between to dump off and reload.

Seeing pictures of ALL the presents under the trees kind of makes me sad.  Christmas is about Christ.  But we get caught up in that Christmas is for us.  Presents for you, presents for me, presents for everyone.  How much do I sit and be..
Still
Believe
Worship?
I want to remember that I am nothing without Christ.   Because of Christ, I can believe, be forgiven and have peace. 

But even in the busyness of  the day, it is such a privilege to be surrounded Christ believing family.  I feel like I forget to thank God for this.  Family that truly enjoy to give, willing to sacrifice for others.

My family kinda surprised me (we had talked about it, but never made a decision) with giving enough money to sponsor two Chinese children for a year.
My heart is just full and running over.  It was again the reminder that I needed that we ARE doing something for God's kingdom.  That we are defending the fatherless.  I didn't need any gifts, this is all that my heart needed.  

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

When I look back on the last two years.. I think we are the same.

You like potato and I like potahto,
You like tomato and I like tomahto,
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
   ~G always backs into his parking spot, ready to go, but I always pull in.
   ~He likes eclair pudding (this year’s birthday cake) but the thought of soggy graham crackers with pudding and icing makes me gag.
   ~I may like to exercise, well maybe sometimes, but not other times, but G likes it even less. So I signed us both up for a 5k with
   obstacles for his birthday. Cracks me up. lol
   ~One may have less hair, or the another more gray but both definitely more wrinkles. This morning I went to pluck a gray hair only
   to discover it was just toothpaste covered. Weird. And we ran out of toothpaste this week. What kind of wife does that? I'm thankful
   for those minis from the dentist. I stocked up from the dollar store on my lunch break. Woohoo. Bunny trail.
   ~G always knows where his cell is, I'm always looking for mine.
   ~Him Moes, Me Chipotle. Bottom line we love all food but our favorites are Indian and Japanese.
   ~I love the challenge of chopsticks, he does not. 
   ~He runs fire calls in the night, but I mostly sleep. They got to demolish a house for training and G got to puncture a water bed.
   He seemed rather pleased.

In the past, we would get a fair amount of water in our basement. After a huge rain and very soggy, smelly, and moldy carpet, I voted to rip it out pronto. So bam, we were head high in a giant mess. I later wondered whhhhhyyyy did I think this was a good idea!!! We sanded and sanded the floor and then realized it was asbestos tile. Sweet, our precious lungs. But we decided to carry on and caulked large cracks and painted ceiling, walls, floor, and stairs. We hired our favorite handyman Luke to replace some windows and a door. It turned into a mod little living room. We love it now that it's DONE.

I was whining to my coworker that I couldn't a normal photo of us from all year long. She said "Why do you want a normal picture, you aren't normal". Ok, then. That was a compliment, I'm pretty sure. So no decent pictures for you. :)

We did get to go camping a few times this year. As in three weekends in a row. We have these friends that believe in mountain camping as in no cell reception mountains. It was beautiful, in fact gorgeous. But we be city kids...someone may or may not have climbed on top of a camper to see if by a chinny chin chin they could get a few bars. Through out the 3 weekends, a rattler and a bear were sighted by neighbors, and a raccoon tipped over our big supply box and had a snack with our rolls. Crawling out of our tent for nightly bathroom breaks was not very popular.

In May, G got to be a part of opening a new Transply branch in Winchester. He loves it. He was selling there for 2 1/2 yrs after working in Greencastle for 12 years.  But now there is the advantage of having a office and lots of stock close by. In April, it will be 9 yrs of selling glasses and changing green nose pads for me. One should wonder if life can get better.

We tried out white water rafting in honor of our dear friend Lael moving away for two years. G found out on the bus ride to the river that he would be sitting on the EDGE of the raft and NOT holding on to anything but the paddle. He was not impressed and thought that he may kick the bucket.   Needless to say, he was at the back of the raft next to the guide and had his foot wedged so tightly under the bottom that if we flipped he would have been stuck hanging in the raft upside down.  And he is still very alive. 

We both had interesting expenses this year. G is in the process of a tooth implant and I got to go to China. I had prayed for God to allow me to go spend some time in a orphanage and God granted me this blessing. Pretty sure G didn't pray for tooth problems, but lo and behold.

We are still having physicals and being fingerprinted yearly just to make sure we haven't died or killed anyone.  We have to stay up to date for when the Lord finds us our little China child.

"Who can add to Christmas? The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. The only requirement is to believe in Him. The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life." Corrie Ten Boom.
May you be filled with Him!   Love

I'm not big enough or strong enough.

Most days I feel like my heart has healed (our maybe I have again harden my heart) from seeing those precious kids.  I'm better.  All fixed. 

And then wham, my hard crust crumbles.  At the oddest times.  And then I see those kiddos, some giving cheesy grins, or their little cute toes and fingers, their button noses, or laughing when you tickle them, or silent tears running down over their adorable cheeks. 

Saturday was one of the tough days.  I was looking at adoption waiting children online and I saw some of the children that I saw and touched with my own little self in China.  I am broken again.  Their little faces look different to me now that I have seen them in person! 

It feels like my hands are tied behind my back and I just can't get loose.  I know that God has this waiting period for me, specially for me, maybe to teach me to give up my will.  Those little children can't be adopted by me, because we are with a different agency.  So I just feel like I'm doing nothing.

I was given a book "Joey's Story" to read maybe a half year ago.  I was asked many times if I had read it yet and I hadn't.  It is about child abuse and I was dragging my feet.  But this was the weekend that I was going to plow through it and get it over with.  I was stomping my feet mentally.  It's NOT fair.  My heart is broken with helplessness already.  Really, God?! 
Joey quoted more than once that she realized that she couldn't change her life and thoughts by herself.  That it took a higher power, we are just NOT strong enough on our own. 

It is a message I took to heart.  It may not be my time to be the hands of God that touch these children personally.  I can't do it myself.  I'm just not big or strong enough.  G reminded me later that I am still working even if I just want to be done, but that allows us to support the nannies that love on the children.  God is still working through our hearts even when it doesn't feel like we are doing anything worth while. 

Meanwhile my friend over in mission land is loving on children in another orphanage.  Melts my heart, to see others getting to live one of my dreams.  I pray God rains blessings down in a way that they have never seen or felt on their lives... for the nannies, volunteers, directors, and the precious children of God.

Don't fear when you go through the fire
Hang on when it's down to the wire
Stand tall and remember what He said
"I won't give you more, more then you can take
and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break"

It's a white wonder world out there!

So we got our first snow this weekend!! I love snow. 

But Sunday was the first day that I didn't like it.  We had to travel to a Christmas party a hr and 45mins away.  The roads were TERRIBLE.  Only 5mins away from our house we slid through a entire intersection. The party was so fun and I was hoping since it was G's birthday that he would be lucky enough to win a prize.  And sure enough he did, a $50 Red Lobster gift card!  I always feel blessed at his company's party.  It is so family friendly and    We ended up spending 5hrs on the yuck roads and we were happy to see our little sweet home.  We felt so blessed to arrive home in one piece.  There is more than one way to make you think that home is the 'Bomb'.

Christmas season is such a busy time, one can get overwhelmed with (for a lack of a better word) "stuff".  And I'm still sick 'coughing' and that makes me unusually tired.  With the black friday sales and gift cards, I finally got my 'bowl' chair from Pier 1 Imports.  Let me tell you something, It is a amazing.  And it has this fabulous coZy fuzzzzzzzzzy cushion.
This chair has been my Christmas happy time.
Every little spare moment, I tuck myself into it and smile.
You may have to visit to believe.

My laundry and house may look like it has exploded, but I did manage to get LOTS of truffles made for his family and a few little gifts wrapped.  I feel like I have been a little bah humbug and didn't decorate.  But my dear G replaced the batteries in the window lights, and I set up my wooden Joseph, Mary and Jesus, and hung our stockings.  I think that should do it :). We even skipped two parties this year for the first ever (I surprise myself!) trying to maintain peace and calm.  

It's snow again this morning and I long for work to be canceled so I could remain in coZy pjs, drink hot choc in my fuzzy amazingness chair and build a snowman :).  I will continue to dream.  I used to steal my sister's kids to make it look normal building a snowman, but now I just don't care.   

Happy Birthday from God

G told me that I may get a birthday gift from God.  Snow! :)  Btw, why does everyone rush out and buy bread, milk, and toilet paper?  I kinda understand the tp, but bread and milk?? wha?? 

I imagine G and I snuggled in for a long winter nap because we have a foot of beautifulness white fluffy stuff and we look at each other and say "Let's drink milk and toast toast".  HA, no.  Maybe let's start the grill and have steaks and shrimp.. And wine.  lol. 

So forget the bread and milk, sorry bunny trail

Back to the gifts from God, I told him that I got three gifts from God already.  Going to China.  And getting a full night sleep last night for the first time since back from China (a week later).  And being able to feel pain and happiness.  What a Blessing!!

I'm thinking especially for blessings and being thankful for them. In church on Sunday, we all shared what we were thankful for.  I had so much to share, but just two sentences choked me up and started the tears.  I saw a lot of pain last week.  But I'm thankful for that pain, because God granted me my wish to see the babies.  I often think, that it would be so much easier to not be aware, to not see, and hear, and feel the pain.  I have prayed so many times in my life that if God would take something away from me that it would be tear ducts.  I realize now, that tears are a gift.  God allows me to feel and to cry so that I involve myself.

True Beauty

I was thinking about how we DO pick ourselves apart.... I remember when my friends and I were talking about this over a delicious meal..... I may have replied wrong, I hope I didn't, but this is what I was trying to say. I never look at my friends and see or think of them as overweight. 

True friends look at their amazing characteristics and how blessed we are to have them. We see the true beauty ,their insides, and how that makes them shine.

check this out!!
http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/ 

Turning toward God

I was saddened by what I had seen but I wasn't surprised.  I had hardened my heart, trying not to be emotional, I was trying not to think, so in denial. 
But Wednesday was the day that all the weight of what I was really seeing fell on my heart. What it took was a little boy just dropped off that day.  He was a darling.  Maybe about three.  I just couldn't imagine how a mom could walk away.  I know that it was the hardest thing that she ever did, but she did it so that he could get help so maybe one day he could walk.  Seeing our docs and therapists surround him with hugs and smiles and later with prayers for him, his mom, and his nannies.....priceless.  That is when it fell on me, the weight of it all.

I imagined cotton candy and rainbows and only a few tears snuck out.

But later, the rain began to fall.  Our team made certain that we got together to share and pray, but I couldn't.  I prayed that God can hear my heart through the pain and my sobs.

I was frantic to talk to G.  My wifi wouldn't connect.  I needed his calming affect on me, I knew if I could talk to him that I would be ok.  All evening, nothing, I kept waking up in the middle of the night and trying to connect. 

Early early in the morning, it hit me, God wasn't allowing me to use my Dearest "closest to my heart", as a crutch.  He wanted me to be in the ocean without a life vest to grab.  He wanted me on the other side of the world of all I have ever known without anyone.  He wanted to show me that together we can walk on the rough water,  that He did and still can CALM the storm.  He wanted me to after chase Him.. Him only Him.  Only then, did I give it up, Lord, I can't do this alone. 

It was as if the the rainclouds cracked open and music seeped through into my soul. 

I'm Chasing You, Lord! I want to be where You are!

I'm Home

I'm home... jet lag, heartbroken, and weary. 

Too weary to talk.  People want to talk about it and I am just too weary.  My heart is still wide open and bleeding  to share.  I knew it was going to hard to come back, but I just didn't know how much.  I believe that my girl is born, and she over in China waiting for me.  But now I am not only in pain waiting, I now know the conditions that she is in or could be in.  I can't help the 100+ children that we saw, but I could help one.....
but God hasn't brought her to me, so I continue to feel helpless. 

Wednesday and Thursday in China

Happy Friday morning
>
> I've never been a backpacker, but I'm feeling it. We are on the move everyday to a different hotel ( besides one night). You pack everything you think you will need plus a little more in your backpack. I just about moisturized my lips with a battery. It felt the same, give me a break.
>
> Yesterday was a fabulous day. Because Wednesday was not. Weds was good for the amazing team that joined us, but the kids ripped our hearts out. There are some memories that will stay with me... The nannies yelling at the barely toddlers to walk up the stairs, silent tears, rows of metal baby cribs, the smell, the sad faces, the mental delay, and the little boy that was dropped off just that day...
> That was my meltdown day. I tried to think happy thoughts, cotton candy and rainbows so the tears wouldn't sneak out.
> We got to go to the beach to refresh our souls and asked our translator, Rock, to take us to western food. They were hoping for McDonald's (I was not, ridiculous to be on the other side of the world and eat mcd, Hello). We were still in our scruffy clothes from the long day of loving on the kids on the floor. Sure enough, Rock took us to a high end restaurant with individual soft couch like chairs. And the waiters wore clear plastic chin shields (I'm guessing so they didn't breathe on the food). Hilarious, sloppy Americans.
> We meet again like we do each night. I has been such a blessing to be able to get together to share, pray, and cry with believers. Our team has been so unified, only God could have put us together like this.
>
> So yesterday we visited a much better (as far as teaching, loving on the kids) orphanage after driving five turning into seven hr gorgeous drive. So happy to see these kids faces lightening up. And I fell in love with a healthy 12yr old boy.
>
> Random..
> I have figured out how to pay for small items. Chopsticks are great. Squatty potties are not so bad. Not using tap water to brush your teeth is hard to remember. I love the travel, it's ggggggreat. China hotel mattress are like concrete. Chinese breakfast are fabulo, baked beans or corn on the cob, not a problem. We were quoting a native that you shouldn't use a taxi at night cause that is when the bad guys come out (Rebecca was listening, and she said, what?!? We don't have brack people, ha). Bring your own toilet paper. Love the traffic. Scooters can hold a entire family. Seen a lady with a toddler in front of her, and behind her, a little older girl holding a baby while driving and texting! You can buy seaweed Pringles. Love!!
>
> Paula

China day two

Good morning! It's Wednesday morning. Yesterday went much better than I thought, my stomach was in a knot with worrying. I think it was because I only six hrs of sleep (my body thought it was a Sunday afternoon nap) and I knew how complicated the dictating was going to go. Doc Jordan has a very different personality then me but again he was amazingly patient and so quick to show and teach.

I do need to complain a little, After two days, I haven't got to hold any children in lap yet. I am so busy, I just don't get to love on the children like I want to. I do get to hold their little cheeks, rub their shoulders, tickle, and pull them into a little kinda hug. Our job is the hardest for the kids because they don't like being examined. With the teachers, they get toys to play with and a fruit gummy snack. All they get at our station is poked at :). Their special needs doesn't upset me, but the fact that if they have a one on one mom and mental attention, because if they did they would thrive!! Very much! But this orphanage kids are very well loved on by their nannies. You can see the attachment. You can see the nannies joy at the kids happiness.

I'm getting to see and feel things I have read about and researched about. As useless as I feel in the middle of all the medical lingo, I feel like this is right where God wanted me to be. It is also humbling to see and know how much work has to be done before our trip even begins. It takes a huge amount of planning and a great system to see that many kids through the checkin, photography, doctor and the teachers smoothly.

Last night, two orphanage directors took the team of nine, two leaders, four translators, and the bus driver out again (they did it the first night too) for dinner. It was their way of honoring us!

Silly note....

the meal cost about 450 (divide by 6? for US dollars) for 18ish people for 8 dishes plus soup and drinks. If you are pouring your own drink, someone normally rushes over and about grabs it out of your hand so they can serve you.

One of leaders of our team is allergic to soy which translates into all Asian food. She is a pro at shifting her food around and looking like she is eating. Another one hates Asian food. It's just one of the ways they can sacrifice.

Our leader/guide/organizer, Rebecca was talking about speed limit, and it sounds like spit limit. When she is on the phone she switches back and forth between the languages forgetting sometimes. She is hilarious. We have so much fun teasing her.

It is wonderful to see what therapy can do for the kids and to hear from the nannies that after a year they have improved walking or talking. The doctor often asks me to take a pic of a abnormality for the child's file. I feel like I'm photography for all the things I read about but never seen. It is such a learning experience.

Today is going to be in a much worse conditions. Please pray for guidance even in the nannies are " not" present. We prayed that The Lord would prepare our hearts because this orphanage is going to be a lot rougher.

I just don't have the time to say all that I want to say but thank you for continuing to pray!! I feel those prayers, and emotionally I am doing ok. Love!

China on Monday

Hi :)
> I can't post here in China, but I'm having Gary post for me.
> I can tell your prayers are with me! I haven't been too overwhelmed or emotional. God is definitely giving me a calmness that I don't normally have.
> After 36 hrs of travel, we arrived at our hotel, to get five hrs of sleep, then to drive four more hrs to the orphanage. We (the doctor, translator, nanny, and I) assessed 16 kids today. We are given 20 mins each. My head is overflowing with medical info and teams that I never heard of. A few times I wanted to throw my hands in the air, I am to be typing the info into a iPad. And if I was to pick out my worse weakness, it would be spelling. The doctor was the only one that I didn't "bond" with in our traveling and was very nervous. But he was amazing today, he was so patient!! He wrote out words and abbreviations to make it easier, than before we would start on the next child, he goes over the info and touches up.
> The kids are heartbreaking and you just want to squeeze them tight. So precious!! (There is so much to tell you but not enough time)
> Last night afterwards, we went out to eat with the orphanage directors, translators, In-country trip coordinator, and our team. We got put in the VIP room;). It was just a separate room with no air conditioner. I just thought it funny that we were VIP. A few of us were struggling with dizziness. I don't know if it was jet lag and mental exhaustion but you could look around the room and see that we were closing down.
> We are working at the same orphanage tomorrow and will be see 32 kids.
>
> A few funny things--
> first time for squatter potty. Lol. Half way into the stall and then I saw it.... No backing out now. (and you can't flush your toilet paper).
> Scaring the girls working at KFC because this big group of white people needed to order (we pointed at pics:)
> The team discussing if you would rather wear someone else's hat or use their toothbrush. (Which one has the longest lasting effects.
> Women wearing high heels on their mopeds. Hilarious. It's everywhere.
> The little boy that couldn't stop giggling while we were doing his exam.
>
> The Lord blessed me with the sweetest older roommate. It amazes me that God knew who I needed.
>
> Did you know that just to check into the hotel, they need your passport. "They" are tracking us :).
>
> Well, it's in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep but I should go back to trying. Love you all and please continue to pray. We will need the strength to push through.
>
>
> Paula

Having Soul Sisters

Its only for a week, only Sat to Sat.  But my girls wanted to go out to eat for girls night anyways.  I say its ridiculous.  You will not even  miss me, I barely see you once a week. 

But my heart knows why.... it's support for my adoption/China dream, it's prayers for God's plan for my life and safety... it's straight up love! (and we all need to laugh and get out :)  These are a special kind of special, no pun attended.  Ones that love you enough to get you heart cards, Chinese symbol crafts, anti-runnybutt meds, and even their kiddos draw Asian pictures and notes. 

Family that just want to help...even to do laundry. anything.  Just because they love

On Sunday, the ladies Sunday school had prayer and laying on hands, surrounding me with warmth and love. Caught me off guard and made me cry like a baby.  Totally overwhelms my heart having so many people praying for my journey.


I was sad on Monday thinking about it would be perfect, if I JUST knew ONE person.  Then maybe I wouldn't be soooo scared.  But God knows best... I think He has a better plan.  Dependance on Him.  Total dependance.  Yes, God has a better plan!

Feeling Loved

I really don't have a close relationship with my Grandma.  But just in the small times I'm with her, she never ceases to bless me.

I stopped in today and she wanted to know about my China trip and to tell me that she is praying for me.  She wanted to know when I was leaving.  I told her, "I leave on Saturday and it's only for a week, and I'll be back before you know it".  Her eyes watered up and started patting me on my shoulder and she told me that she was soo happy and that she feels so much better knowing that I will be back in a week.  She said "I thought you were going for months and months".... :)

Oh, my heart swelling, she will always win Best Grandma Award in my life!

Lift My Life Up

You brought me this far, So why would I question You now?
You have provided, So why would I start to doubt?

I repeat, I repeat to myself.
This is a God  trip.  He is guiding. 

I just had a hr and half conference call.  I couldn't ask question due to a bad connection which was very frustrating.  I feel scared!  But I kinda know what we will be doing now.  Before the unknown scared me, now I wish it was still unknown.  Now I feel like a fish out of water. 
I would consider myself a social person.  But throw me in a new culture not knowing ANYONE..... for a week and surrounded with serious accents. 

Basically we are accessing the kids and doing exams on them.  I am to record what the doc finds in the computer.  Each child is assigned a number and this is our coding for later.  These files are used to find families for each child.  Our team will see about hundred kids within the week.  We have each one for about a hr (the doc and I have 20 mins). 
We want to see each child adopted but our main goal is to love on the children (show them God's love). 


http://www.youtube.com/v/6UveOPq_iao?autohide=1&version=3&showinfo=1&feature=share&autohide=1&attribution_tag=zWKglT4-w5dmSHnTXYsK0g&autoplay=1

Divine Appointment

I believe this China trip is a Divine appointment.  God canceled the other one, so that I would get to go to this one.  There is someone or something that I need to meet or see.  I'm positive. 

I'm praying for emotional calmness.  I'm very afraid that I'm going to be a emotional mess.
I'm told that a mess is a given, but  that I need to hold it together until I get back to my room (say some prayers for me? please!).

I was asking/telling Gary that, why do I feel like this is God's leading, why is this trip so special?   I should look at very day as "a God moment", "a God appointment".  I head to work just as excited, that God has something special for me today. 

I aimed high today... Started the day with lots of prayer.  Today was going to be a GREAT day.  blah.  Why do those days turn, I was short in patience, had to apologize.

Our Great God has a wonderful character, forgiveness.  He allows me to start over again. Thank God.  As I drove home, I decided I needed a restart.  (ps, I really dislike cooking).  So somewhere in my crazy mind, I headed to the grocery store, so I could cook something for my dearest husband.

Two hrs later, I realized that I actually just enjoyed cooking (happens like never).  Did someone say God moment?

I was lost, I was falling apart
But You came along and hit the RESTART.

I'm GOING

I just got my flight and hotel confirmation!!  It's really happening!  I'm really going to China.  I did have to do a victory dance.  Yup, I did. 

G is trying to help me through the visa process.  I don't like the paperwork.  Period!  I was so confused so, I handed the instruction paperwork to G to look at and then left for a half an hr.  As soon as I came back, he said "this is NO walk in the park!"  lol. 
Sometimes I wonder how in the world, I got through all the dossier stuff.  I'm not very good at branching out.  But one paper at a time.  Jesus will get me through. 

Being Me

I tried to cover my shine

I've tried staying in the lines

You want me to take my light
Fit it in your box right

But this is who I am
I won't hide it


God made us all different. He doesn't expect us to be like the next guy or to stay inside the lines of another's ideal shape. If He did...

He would have build unisex robots. All with same skin tone, same eye color, same nose shape, same height, same dreams, and same beliefs. We would all sleep in the same position, get hungry at the same time, sweat the same, laugh the same, cry at the exact same time, and all die the same way. 
 

It would be like looking in a mirror, all the time.  I'm bored just thinking about it. So bored I could die, or wait I'm not allowed to yet, we must all die together.

 

No, No

No, God made. Us. Unique.  God made us all colors. A gorgeous rainbow. We will have some beautiful characteristics the same if we follow Christ. We may look like "crayons". 

Some will be bright, some dull, but ALL unique. 

Don't apologize for it. 

Be YOU tiful!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fccqaKTz3Ko&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DfccqaKTz3Ko#

The Digital Age - Captured [Official Music Video]

Your Love is come to rescue me!!

The Digital Age - Captured [Official Music Video]

Your Love is come to rescue me!!

Hope

It is truly awe amazing how fast God/or Satan tests us.  Thinking about the overcomer post....I will push forward, I am not a quitter, I will believe.

Then bang, boom on Fri
       My faith is crushed.  Just because God changed my plans.  So little faith, its humbling.
Everyone was.... "God has a better plan"...... and I just wanted to punch a hole in the wall and scream no, no, no, my plan is best. I felt like I lost my mission.  What did I do now?
My heart was fighting me... if I can't handle this small disappointment, how will I ever be a good mom, good Christian, good wife, because life will have many more deeper caves???


Tues morning, G was so excited about a message to me on facebook, that he texted me... check fb.  Seconds later my sister texted me....wake up, check fb.  A message about a trip to china in Nov that still needs another team member. 

I had already saw it.... and it scared me.  I didn't want to hope.

They both believe this is it.  This is why God allowed, the other trip to be canceled.  But I'm slow to trust. 
G gives me reasons and reasons why this is it. 
             It's with a medical team and I have always wanted to go with a medical team.
             It's directing me with the people and the children that will fulfill His plan


I got the paperwork and filled it out but...
I wait...

My heart cracked a little deeper

I can hardly see through the blurry eyes.  I prayed, prayed, prayed, and prayed if I should go, and finally made the decision to sign up to go on a mission trip to China for 10 days.  God slammed the door shut today.  They canceled the trip in October.  I feel like my heart cracked a little deeper.  I feel like my life just stopped.  Nothing matters.

God allowed Daniel to be put in the lions' den. 
In a deep deep pit. 
With hungry animals.
He could have stopped the whole thing before it happened. But He choose not to.
He wanted to work a miracle.

Please Lord, I'm begging you, work a miracle in this pain.

Being a Overcomer!

Some people find that they love love exercise, others like me, not so much.  I love the concept of it and I love how I feel afterwards. 
The thing that I admire about fitness trainers or runners is their "no give up attitude".  They push on, even when their lungs want to explode and their muscles are shaking.  It's their dedication.  Their self discipline. 

Sometimes as I run my little mile and half and then my boot camp class, I want to quit.  I just hurt, I can't breathe, my muscles shake, my lungs are irritated and just want time to cough up a lung.

And then I think, I'll just quit.

But I wonder what if God gives me big stuff like.... giving up my dreams, losing my husband, or take away my health, or my family, or if we lose our jobs, or persecution for my faith.  If I can't run a mile, because I have no self discipline, no dedication, then how do I expect to "overcome" in persecution?

So I put one foot in front of the other for a little longer and sing this song in my head
"Don't Quit, Don't Give In, You are a Overcomer"
Stay in the fight, until the final round, You are NOT going under cause God is holding you right now!
Whatever it is that you may be going through,  He is not going to let it get the best of you!

listen...
 Mandisa Overcomer

Sleeplessness

Remember when you were a kiddo and something sooo exciting was going to happen in the morning that you couldn't sleep.  I have that now, and to most people it's not exciting. I'm starting a four week exercise class again. I'm thrilled!  Mainly to just get a healthy routine started. Since I work around people all the time, sometimes I get tired of people. But with exercise, I NEED people... Badly. Or I do too much of this. 

Deep memory dreams

It's the perfect weather. We are the beach. It's overcast but warm breeze with roaring waves. Reading, drawing in notes in the sand, praying for my girl somewhere in China, laying here with my best friend and lover. 

There is a naval academy nearby. This may annoy others. But not us. Such a pleasure!  We don't get exited about "power and noise" to often unless its about fire trucks but..... Planes, especially fighter planes! That does it. You can FEEL the power, the noise!  We turn and smile each time one or two paired together roar over. It almost steals my breath, my childhood dreams rush back of being a pilot. 

Then I remember my young adult dreams of being a mother. A mother to a international family. That's the God dream, we are still waiting. 

Secret stories

Everyone reacts differently. 

Little teasing remarks about weight, height, how I talk, my lack of direction, my lack of planning, my clumsiness, my little weird ideas, my beliefs, my worries, my passions. 

They are to b jokes. And they are. Making life a little lighter. Making joy. I love laughter. 

But sometimes our women hearts are bruised, bleeding. Just aching for a encouraging word. A smile. To be told we are a Princess of God. That we are beautiful. That we are perfect. To b told God is going to work BIG things in our lives. Sometimes we need strong MEN in our lives to hold us. We need men on fire for God. We need soul friends, to cry and to hug. To guide us together closer to God.

But how do you respond?

I harden my heart. Lock the stories in. Can't make it look like I don't have it all together.  Can't share the storms, the days that I can't feel God. But I can't share the moments that God is big either. I hate how our pride holds our stories back. How we protect our hearts so we don't feel. 

We need to be windows that the Light is shining through. I need to soften my heart, allow the feelings, the pain, the joy. 

Passing on the Love

I have been noticing. 

My friend had to have surgery, so her mom said that she would take her food responsibility for a mission.  Then another friend told the mom that she would take care of her food and her daughter's food, so she could be available for her daughter. 

Another friend is moving out of the area.  Her friend, got babysitters for her two children and came in across several states for a long weekend to help pack. 

I just have been amazed on how "God's church" loves.  Maybe I can't help the end person, but I could help "a" person, so that they in return can help another.

Be the arms of Jesus!

Running the Race

http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2013/07/running-the-race.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A%20typepad%2FkHZX%20%28Adopted%20by%20Design%29#close=1


Oh this speaks to my heart.  Just keep "running" even if you can't see the finish line.  You are tired and it feels impossible.  Listen closely and you will hear the Father beside you, cheering you, telling you not to give up, guiding you!

Yesterday was one of "those" days

Do you ever feel....
like I'm in the middle of a desert and its 110 degrees.  I haven't had any shade or water or food.  I'm laying flat out about to die.  Can't even wiggle my toes.  I am dryed up.  So little life.
And within five hundred feet you can see your "friends" in a swimming pool sipping drinks, laughing your direction. 
Yesterday, I felt like the heavy weight of the world was on me.  How you can be surrounded with people and still be alone.  ALONE
I have a friend that would tell me that I need meds.  I feel like heavy days are just normal ever so often.  I really don't think that numbing heart pain in the right answer for me.  I could erase most of my heart pain if I chose to never think about orphans again.  Is that fair?  Or to turn my heart away from the struggling?  I believe that God gives me days that are down, so I start to think about other people's pain. 

So that I pray harder.
Speak wiser.
Listen more.
 

Grumpiness

I have realized that the dirtier my house is and becomes, the grumpier I get. 

After two days of having a yard sale and both days being hot hot, I am tired, very tired. We took our first swim of the year half way through clean up. That helped but then coming in to a exploded house, pthhh.

I decided to just get to the vacuum cleaner.  I couldn't stop smiling as the clumps of dirt rattled up the pipe. Then I stood. And stood. And turned in a circle. And smiling at the non clunkiness. 

So I decided that is why God has not sent me my child. One can not have a clean house with a child. One can't not be grumpy all the time either. One must get used to food and grass stuck on one's toes. 

I will try again tomorrow. But today I have clean toes. 

I LOVE this article :)

WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?
By Stephanie Garcia
Fat. Yup, I said it. I’m not scared of the word. I’m not embarrassed to use it as an adjective to describe myself. That doesn’t mean my personality is fat. My goals are fat. The love that I give is fat. My job is fat. My athletic ability is fat. It means I’m carrying extra “fat”, and that’s about as much power as I’m going to give the word.
Carrying extra pounds doesn’t stop me from getting out there and doing triathlons, 15Ks and even playing softball. It didn’t stop me from participating in the Dirty Girl 5K mud run, even if I initially had reservations about being able to climb, crawl and shimmy through obstacles I had never done before. Of course visions of muddy clothes clinging to my curves crossed my mind, but in the end, none of that mattered. I realized that out on the Dirty Girl obstacle course. It’s all about having a blast. No one is watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake or fall. No one is noticing those limitations that you’ve placed on yourself. No one is noticing the flaws you think you have. In fact, expect people to lend a hand as you’re climbing over the cargo net, or grab your butt as they help to lift you over a wall.
Believe it or not, being a plus sized athlete is an amazing experience. Participants, spectators and volunteers are on YOUR side. Races and events, no matter what size or type, are filled with positive, encouraging, and motivating participants who WANT you to succeed. You see, the thing with seasoned athletes is that when they notice new racers and participants, they instantly become proud just because you’re there, giving it your all and trying. After all, they were once beginners, too. Participating in a race isn’t defined by how fast you can go, how long you’ve been doing it, or how many times you have to stop to walk or take a break in between miles (which, by the way, is perfectly ok). The last thing you should feel is embarrassed or out of place as a newbie or someone in a body that you think isn’t ideal or athletic enough for a race. Everyone is welcome, and you feel that positive energy as soon as you pin your bib number.
You don’t know how often I have shuffled passed a seasoned runner- huffing, puffing, out of breath and sweating so much you would have thought I had just stepped out of a pool- and heard phrases like “looking good, keep it up”. Believe me. There are NO feelings of sarcasm, jealously or negativity towards newbies or people in the middle of their fitness journey. Everyone is welcome, whether it’s a mud run or a marathon. That simple mentality has given me courage and will continue to give me courage to try longer distances, different races and challenge myself because, after all, we’re all in a race against no one other than our past selves, and they are the only ones holding us back.

I say I'm not.. but then I do

I ran my first 5k last year about this time.  It was amazing, empowering, God filled, and hot. and tiring.  Wonderful wonderful case.  Afterwards, I said it would be my first and only. 

I somehow have signed up for two more. Back to Back.  As in one day, and then the next day.  As in, 14 hrs between them.  One involves mud, the other color bombs.  Makes sense, doesn't it.  I thought so too at the time, but the paint fumes must have impaired my judgement.  And both are about 3 hrs away.  I crack myself up. 

Stuck in a box

On the way home from work, I think about how I feel like I've been released from a box.  I think work truly flattens my personality.  Seriously.  I know this sound ridiculous but... I'm not the "professional" that I have to pretend to be at work.  All dressed up, polite, and quiet.  Nope, not me.  I'm loud, number one.  I'd rather tell you exactly what I think, number two.  And I rather be in my pjs, number three.

I'm trying to think of things that are happy.  Instead of thinking about being in a box
    like I love the sound of my exercise app interupting my music to announce my mileage :)
          I love that my dear husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning
          I'm learning to like the sound of tweeting birds
          I like working with a crew of men (they don't talk much)(truly a blessing not to hear about people's
                                                                 hair not looking right, or who's husband did what, or what
                                                                 jewelry or clothing that was just purchased, or what the dog did)
          I like that I trust God and to know that He is in charge and has MUCH better plans then me.
          I love playing tennis (or catching the ball :)
          I love smiling at little Asian girls.. meanwhile praying for mine
                                                              

Francesca Battistelli - Strangely Dim (Official Lyric Video)

http://youtu.be/MjmZ2v0niCI

I've got a front row seat to the longest wait.

I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.

This song touched my heart.  I feel like I'm stuck in waiting, plans piled high.  My dreams stuck on hold.  I'm so tired of pleading.  Is He listening?   Where is my girl?

I just needed this reminder.  When I give it ALL up, my worries, my impatience fads.  You, Lord, are holding IT all.  No matter what comes.  I will seek Your face

Good to be Alive by Jason Gray

Good to be alive - Jason Gray

Last week I took a break from most of my exercise.  And I believe it made me even more exhausted.  And I sleep more.  So tired. 
So I begged my coworkers to meet me for a 7:00 run this morning.  Ah, I could hardly breathe, so tired, but yet revived.  It's a straight up pleasure, the energy and alertness of the mind that comes after a run.  And this song was ringing in my head.  That is So GOOD to be alive.  And we do have the decision of making the day feel blessed.  God has blessed us with so much, but often I overlook it.  But it is there. 

The beauty of EVERY life

Just watched Glen Beck's talk and video of Kermit Gosnell, makes my stomach ache, heart aching pain.  That a man can snip a baby's spine after birth and that it seems as no one cares or wants to even talk about it.  He stashed the bodies all around the office and cut some of the babies feet off to store in jars in the refrigerator.  No, the media needs to talk about how to pass laws to make guns illegal, because of the school shootings.  Even though this evil Doctor has killed more humans then all the school shootings.

The society doesn't even care.  They think....Abortion is fine.  Abortion is legal up to a certain amount of weeks.  So technically  what Dr Gosnell was doing wasn't even worth talking about.  Some of the baby's were "only" a week later than legal.  It's not a big deal that the babies were yelling and wiggling.  They are just things.  

I just get cold thinking how wrong these people are.  How can they get to this point?  That its just ok to kill a screaming baby.  Or how they think that it's ok to kill a baby inside the uterus that looks like a baby, breaths like a baby, wiggles like a baby, but its just random cells, just a thing.  It's the mom's "rights".  

Come Lord Jesus, send us home, let justice reign.

I watched this video on the way to a birthday party.  A party of life.  Celebrating life.  It made me compare.  Life. Death

I love birthdays.  mine.  and everyone else's.  One more day of breathing , heart beating, joy.  I praise God for life.  For the mothers that choose life for their babies.  I pray, that I get to mother one of those babies. 

Are we spitting in His face?

My husband and I just watched "Passion of Christ".  Its rated R for violence and very bloody.  I hated it, just like the last time.  I force myself to look (most of the time).   I just can't stop crying.  Just seeing the beatings, the pain, the blood, the nails, the crown of thorns, the anguish makes real.  And I am a sinner, I am evil.  I am not worth this love.  But He did it anyways.  He died for me.  For you.  It seems so unreal.  So wrong for Him to suffer in innocence.  He was/is so holy.

So happy that the cross is not where it ended.  But that He rose again.  A new Kingdom!  So that we may have life.  Saved from sin because a sacrifice has been made. Praise God!!

And I can see Jesus looking at us in pain fulled eyes and feeling as He can't get His breath as "we" celebrate Easter with coloring eggs, hunting eggs, and a Easter bunny.  It's the same as those people cheering "cruify Him".  It's the same as spitting on Him.  It's the same as saying "I don't know Him". 

She needs to come home with me :)

Fasting and Praying

Today begins the “Esther fast.”   It is truly a blessing to have a Christ based agency.  Our agency has occasionally taken time to fast and pray on behalf of orphans or a specific issue that affects adoption. They doing it again.  Consider joining us on an “Esther fast” where we focus for three days by fasting and praying on behalf of orphans.

The idea comes from the Book of Esther, when the Jews fasted and prayed for a special purpose. In Esther 4:
Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: “Go, gather together all the Jews … and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

Our focus will be:
· Praying for foreign government officials to be convicted of the harm they are doing to orphaned and vulnerable children stuck in institutions with no opportunity to live in a family;
· Praying for people around the world to speak up on behalf of orphans and vulnerable children who are hidden from the public and are crying out for a mother and father;
· Praying for Haiti to lift or significantly increase their quota;
· Praying for children and families stuck in the middle of Russia’s shutdown;
· Praying for wisdom and guidance for our nation’s political leaders to proactively come to the rescue of institutionalized children who have the fundamental right to a family but are being denied by their government.
~And of course, I’ll be praying that God would bring our baby girl home and especially for China!

None of you should feel like you need to do this; I just encourage you to seek God and see if you feel led to. If you’ve never fasted before, it may seem like a weird or intimidating idea. There are all sorts of ways to fast, including not eating, skipping particular meals, only drinking juice, only eating fruit & veggies, as well as other ways that you might find to practice this discipline. It also reminds us that our efforts are nothing without God and our struggle is a spiritual struggle. Apostle Paul says in Ephesians, “…our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

God can, and does, do miracles and we know His love for each orphan surpasses our own. We are simply tools He uses to bless families and children.

Ps… I know, I know.  Fasting is hard, very hard.  Because we love food (speaking for myself).  But it is easy to forget that kids are out there with nothing to eat or no regular meals.  It’s easy to look the other way and forget that they are in pain, suffering, and without anyone to love them.  Oh, we just cozy up in our big house and sip hot chocolate.  May God open our hearts and eyes!

Giving

You ever notice the most giving people are the ones that don't have the most.  I'm not just talking about money.  I'm talking about everything.  Their support, their money, their time, their love, their heart, their ears, their souls, their prayers.  They just "seep" blessings into others.  I have these in my life. 

I want to learn from them.  To be able to "breathe" joy, life into others
This is not done by self.  I know this well.
One must have a higher power to create this.

Mind overload

My mind feels on overload.  Thinking about precious China girls.  Thinking about medical conditions.  Thinking about if I should go to spend 2 weeks in a Chinese orphanage.
It's so expensive, so I just keep praying.  Is it fair to go without G?  Is it fair to spend all that money on something I want to do.  Do I go a cheaper way?  Or is safety worth money? and if so, how much? 

The doctor appointment this weekend was great.  She had a wonderful personality and I'm so excited about her working for us later.  She is the one that we will get to review our files.  She spoke in our language :) and would point to the body parts that she was talking about or show us pictures.

We had a great (amazing decor) room for the evening in celebration of our upcoming anniversary.  Slept in.  Ate yummy.  Just being together.  Took a evening walk in the city streets.

And good old G got me back in time to go ice skating again.  With friends :) 

But by Sunday afternoon, one crashes for a long winter nap.

Special Needs Checklist

Today was the day.  But now tomorrow is.  She had to cancel (sick child and her husband working the ER).  But she called me personally and is going to see us tomorrow (her day off and a Saturday!).  Praise God.  But now I get one more night to wait.

I can't sleep.  My stomach hurts.  And I just keep praying that God can use Dr Dibbs to help us.

When you fill out all of your paperwork for adoption, it is endless.  seriously. 
We felt personally invaded.  Then on top of all that, we are asked to "check" what "special needs" that we would accept. 
Completely.  Overwhelming.

Number one, 3/4 of the words, I had never heard of. 
Number two, you feel as if you are very selfish
Number three, you want to quit

So in meeting some new adoption friends, they gave us this doctor's name and number.  I felt like it was God sent.  So excited about meeting her.  She is going to explain all kinds of medical terms to us and color code them into mild, moderate, and severe.

G wanted to go get new phones for us this morning,  but couldn't because of our app, but now... he's heading there :)  He's smiling.  wonder if he will be smiling when he comes home?  I decided not to go along, because phone stores do not make me smile.

G doesn't know this, but I just want to get back from the city on Saturday soon enough not to miss the public ice skate in the evening.  #thisisaJamie'sport,butG's.  But I have been thinking if he gets a new phone, he can just sit on the side and play and I can skate my little pea pickin heart out.  I'll let you know how that works out.

HIS (God's) image

I'm at 19 out of 20 for this week.  I would like to take a sledge hammer to "it".  Make it hurt too. 

My life isn't perfect...
    I'm missing my girl, I don't always like my job, tired of fighting the urge to eat, tired of exercising, hating the missing Godly morals of most of society, I'm tired of feeling very unbeautiful, I get tired of the daily grind, and somedays, Love isn't easy, I get tired of my spiritual battle, and just long for heaven. 

but...
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

God made me in His image

You are too.

Let's live like it.

training

This week has been one of a kind.  We (2 coworkers and I) started our training for our 5K with obstacles in May.  20miles running or walking, 200 sit ups, and 100 push ups.  I just finished this morning and now have TWO day off from exercising.  I feel like a won a gold metal!! yoohoo.  My body feels like a gnat smeared on a windshield of a race car.  And I have a cold.  And I had to work overtime this week.  And I have been called in sick (see last post, I'm not over that yet :).  And I can NOT stop thinking about food. (one day, I told G that I'm sure that for 5 mins, two times, I did stopped thinking about eating.  Oh, and I gained three lbs (makes me cross).
Well, I am munching on my two eggs and got to hang up some laundrey, style my hair and get to work on time. 
So have a fabulous day, I definitive going to :) cause I don't have to look at my treadmill till monday... I feel very singy songy.

Call me in

So again our manager is off sick and I somehow get put in charge.  *at least it seems like it.  I'm at work for hr and I'm starting to have a sore throat and getting those morning yawns.  I'm starting to shut down and am telling my coworker D about my throat and that I may need some caffeine.  She tells me "you don't look good".  Meanwhile behind me another coworker C is listening.  Well, C disappears for a few minutes and then comes back and announces that she called the "district manager" to tell her that I'm sick and need to go home, so we need more help.  HELLO?!? 
me..What??
her..You are sick, you need to go home.
me..What??  I have a cold and am tired.  But I'm not sick.  I'm not going anywhere.
her.. Well, I told her that you were.
me.. Please tell me you are joking.

me.. Please inform me next time BEFORE you call me in sick
her..(throwing her hands in the air, and getting loud)  I am just trying to help and next time I will not listen or open my mouth.
me..(thinking...please DONT open your mouth)

me.. (looking like a turd)(calling the manager)..umm, we had a misunderstanding, I am not sick, we do not need help, and i am not going home

time needed to push screwdrivers through my eyes......arghh

later in the day
me.. (coworker S and I talking)  this place gives me anxiety
her.. (good olde C)  I don't let this place get to me....(see it running off her shoulders..)
me..  (mouth falling open) (mind is telling mouth to stay closed) (she obvious doesn't have her coworkers calling her sick just because)))!!!!!

Pink & Red & Hearts

I don't like all holidays.  Like Mother's Day, nor Father's Day.  It just makes my heart break, where is our daughter?  Even Christmas and Thanksgiving ~ can be hard when you are missing a huge piece of your heart/life.

But...

I love Valentine Day's.  I know seriously, I shouldn't.  It's tacky, says my friends.  Just like I'm not supposed to like birthday, but I do.  I like pink, I  like red, I like hearts. So I meet G in Winchester at our favorite hotel.  On a tuesday afternoon.  Like a teenager sneaking kisses in the parking lot.   I feel complete.  I will remember this... on Mother's Day.

"Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close

I was afraid of the dark but now it's all that I want"

Celebrating...

    I got a text from my mom (they are in LA visiting with some new friends) and she told me that they are trying a different nationality of food every night.  I love this.  I thought about it all day.  Maybe because we just introduced them to Indian food for the first 2 weeks ago.  And that my parents are flying to new places and trying new things.  Makes me want my girl.  Just saying.
I am fascinated by all things not American.  I could stare for hrs at skin tones and physical features(in fact, G wonders about me at times).  I want to try every food, anywhere, anytime.  I want to be taught new traditions.  new celebrations.
    Then tonight my brother (and family) invited us over for Chinese takeout (he eats chinese food at the most once a yr, so this makes me want to check his temperature, make sure he isn't deathly ill).  So I guess, in a weird way, we celebrated Chinese New Year. kinda. 

    The other day, my friend called me up and asked me where I was at.  I was 10mins for her house.  And then she simply said "I need You".  It was just for a ride because her vehicle's battery was dead, but....
Those words, they speak.
    I wonder if I was ever told that before (other then my husband of course).  But we get so self dependent.  We need no one.  It is weakness to admit it. We don't want to inconvenience anyone.  We don't want anyone to know about our faults or flaws or needs.
    I wonder what a difference it would make in our world, if we JuSt admitted that we need each other.

Super Bowl isn't so super, but the FRIENDS...

so there is a first time for everything. 
I watched  my first football game ever and first super bowl ever.  We were with some amazing friends that tolerated my retarded questions, like how do you win? or how do you goal? and why are you yelling with excitement when they all are on a pile?

But it's the friends... makes my heart sigh with happiness that my friends love us just the way we are.  Truly amazing.

God is alive and working

The little girl that months ago, we got her file to review.. while she has been matched, Praise God!  I feel sad that she isn't mine, but I know now that God wanted us to say no, so she would go to "her perfect family".  I do believe with all my heart that God has a little one picked for us and will guide her file into our agencies hands.  At the perfect time. 

I also got a little video clip from the little girl that we sponsored through ZKO before she got adopted.  It is true, the reward of seeing this little girl happy, is way more than any amount of money.  I just keep thinking... a soul is worth more than all the money in the world.

hearts in China

Refreshed

so, I'm on my round two of the yucks.  I had the flu two weeks ago and then followed by a terrible cold, felt ok for 2 days and now it's back.  Even when to the doc to see if I have the fungus of the mongus.  Nope, no flu or strep throat, just round two of a cold.
I feel blah
blah
blah.

I just wonder from one side of the house to the other.  I have work, lots of stuff to do, but...
So I read my friends blog on healthy eating and now I feel blah "and" fat. 

So now I feel like eating something bad for me.  Since I have all the time of the world (at least I'm acting like it), I get my pomegranate out.  (I have to google the word pomegranate of course, because I can't spell).  What a pain, to break apart, but...

This fruit is amazing.  So sweet and refreshing.  I know it's high sugar, but tell myself that it's "natural" sugar. 
You should sooo try one.

On another note, we met with some new friends last weekend.  They are in the process of paperwork for adopting from China.  It was so refreshing to have someone that "understands" the mountains of adopting.  We need more friends that "get it".
You should adopt too :)

We have book club next week, and I'm trying hard to get my book "Uncle Tom's Cabin" finished.  What a tearjerker. 
You should read this too.

Multitasking

Back to work after being sick all weekend and barely moving.  I couldn't decide if I was still contagious or if I would be able to make it through 10 hrs, but decided to try it. Which brings me to the subject of multitasking.  I do not feel like that I do it well, but....maybe I do.

The one and only male in my office other than doctors is sitting in the office with 400 new plans for one of the insurance that we take.  They are not sent to us in alph or numerical order so they all needed put in order, hole punched and exchanged with the old.  He is sitting here picking up one paper at a time, looks at it hard, slowly sorts through 350 old plans, finds the old, takes it out, slowly hole punches the new, puts in the the book and clamps down the ring binder.

And starts over.  He is going to do this 399 more times. 

I want to be home sleeping because I'm VERY hot and miserable, but I'm at work because it would make them shorthanded if I stayed home. 

And he is punching holes one at a time.

I ask, "You know that you can punch like 10 papers at a time and save 100s of mins".  "I know", he reples, "but this system works". 

Please excuse me while I bang my head on the WALL. 

I tell him sarcastically, "If I knew you would be punching holes all day, I could stayed home and did it for you".  He is like, "Ah, no, I just got them this morning".

He doesn't even get what I'm trying to say.  

AHH, welcome to Loonyville!