Look for the Joy

   I took my art to a craft show this past weekend.  I did it last year and I said no way was I going to do it ever again :) but there I was. 
   I came home tired.  Not the kind of tired that you get from working hard but the emotional kind.  The kind that makes you want to throw away 3/4 of your belongings and then curl up into bed for a month of Saturdays and eat peanut butter cups.
   I wanted to toss the entire vehicle of art and countless hours of work into the trash and walk away. But like the mature adult that I am :\ , I unloaded it all into my basement.  On monday, I figured that I may as well bite the bullet and unpack it all.
   Yesterday, I spend a day and a evening on a special order and the customer wasn't crazy about it and I made a whole $15 buckaroos.  I begged my family to please hire me for anything higher than my going rate. Then last evening was my cleaning job for 3 hours.
   I may have mentioned to G that I felt like a skunk that had been caught in a trap.  You know, digging up all the dirt that you can reach with your claws and filling your trap with dirt.

BUT this morning.. I forced myself to take a long walk after dropping Josie off at church.  And Jesus
"brought me Joy in the morning"
I started to think of the good things that happened in the past few days

~The little girls surrounding my table wanting a bookmark
~Getting a sweet text from J's teacher
~My white soft rug to land my feet on every morning
~A picture from a customer of my art hanging in their house
~A stranger that actually wanted to ask questions and listen about our adoption story and tears swelled up into her eyes..  PRICELESS to my soul!
~Hugs
~Faithful friends stopping in to see me
~A good night's sleep
~Sun glistening on the water
~A husband that overlooks my brokenness
~A friend that fb messaged me just to encourage my heart.
~ J singing Closed on Sunday
~ The willing to die for me, Oh my Savior, Jesus!
~Golden leaves floating down in front of me

Praises Roar

My phone chimed as I rushed to get J out the door in time for school. I didn’t look at it, just grabbed it along with my keys and ran. As I started my car and glanced at it, I saw it was a song. It automatically connected to my stereo and started playing. 

How is it that G had the song running through his head on the way to work this morning, so he looked it up and then sent it to me? The very words that I needed...

I have been struggling with believing that God is writing my/our story and that He has a good ending. 

Where is He? 

I mean...He is so slow... I want to jerk the pen OUT of His hands. Because “obviously” I have good ideas. 

He’s got my back, right? 

Right? 

Lord help my unbelief! 

I’m gonna sing in the middle of the storm, 

Louder, louder hear my praises Roar! 

https://youtu.be/awkO61T6i0k

Brave

I spent the last two days beside her. She just does the next thing. She has been doing this for months. Just doing the next thing. And tomorrow she will do it again for her next surgery. 

I know that she feels it. That everyone is busy. Busy with summer and its excitement. But yet she has been surrounded with doctors, medicine, tears and fears. 

But yet she shines so beautifully. Her testimony is outshining all the others. All the others that are having that normal carefree summer. 

**You are a light to the medical staff, to the other patients. I see them light up when they see you. 

We will never know why God has allowed her to walk this walk. Maybe sometime I’ll stop screeching “why, God”. Maybe. But I will never stop thanking God that I can be beside her. Her actions have convicted my soul again and again. 

**Keep shining, Nettie, keep shining!! ❤️❤️

Go. See.

This was my face before seeing Unplanned because, well, dates are rare and are treasured and priceless.



I don't have a picture afterwards. Note the tissue box.

Broken.
I had read Abby's book so I knew the story.  Still the images made me sob.  This is hard.  I pinched my eyes shut wanting it to go away.  But it is a story that need to be told.  To be seen.  I pray that this will change hearts as they see the truth.

When I close my eyes, I see the baby trying to get away from the suction
I see the blood running through the tubes
I see the pain
I see the little tiny detached arm
I see the blinded eyes


To me..
It shows the power of God's forgiveness and redemption. If only we ask.
It shows the power of peaceful prayer.  8 years of prayer.  Just don't lose hope and give up. 

May we be empowered to stand up for LIFE.

https://youtu.be/ttXoXMBfZ8Q

The feeling of "All Alone"

This morning after having basically no sleep due to J having crying matches, and G's snoring, I'm a tad emotional.  Tad, ha ha. 

I forced myself on a walk even with my foot pain hoping to clear my brain but instead ending up with thousands of tangles in my brain. 

My devotions said, that God allows us to struggle so that we see how weak we are so that we will lean on Him.  Yes in our struggles we do see our weaknesses and we know that we can't do it by ourselves, but its often there, in the bottom of the barrel, where it seems like we are a hopeless failure.  Whispers of doubt are close by to make us feel like giving up. 

These are some of the whispered lies that tangled this week~
    You are the only one going through a battle and failing, go ahead and give up.
    Look at your friends, you don't even compare to them.
    You will never be forgiven for your past mistakes, they will always hang over your shoulders.
    You always say you will do better the next day, but you never do. 
    You are ALL alone.
    God doesn't care about you.

I wouldn't think of saying of one of these phrases to any one else. EVER.  Then why is it, that I would accept them for myself? 


I think anyone that knows me well, knows that I struggle.  I wish I could hide my crazy like the rest. I want to be perfect, well mannered, soft spoken, elegant lady.  Even writing that sentence, I laughed because I'm a broken pot with a lots of super glue. Yes, this week, I told my dear daughter to go to her bedroom and shut the door, because I wanted to scream.  (only instead, I went to my bedroom room and sobbed over the guilt of wanting to scream).
I share this because maybe someone out there needs reminded that they aren't alone. There are more broken pots than you. 
We don't share because we've been judged at one time or another.   
~Maybe by the old lady that sits on bench 18 every Sunday. 
~Or maybe by the young mom that is still cooing at her new born squishy baby. 
~Or maybe by the lady that writes on gentleness and tranquility and her home is magazine perfect. 
And then we turn our little fences into bigger fences with boards closer together.  And then the fences get higher.  Maybe even turning into massive walls.

But oh, how I wish, we would be real to each other. 
"Carry each other's burden's"
"Let us HOLD unswervingly to the hope we profess. Spur one another toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another."

My wise Sunday school teacher reminded us again that we can NOT base our faith on our feelings.  Feelings are all over the place.  We have to lay in God's truth regardless how we may feel at the moment.

So the Truth...
Jesus knows that I'm a mess.  He knew it when He died for ME and that didn't even change His mind, He went ahead and gave His life for us messed up people. 

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters".  Our Father is the King.  In other words, we are the cat's meow.  We are a big deal.  Feel the worth.  Let it soak into your soul.

"How precious is your unfailing love, O God!"

"But you, O Lord are a God, merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."

"He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Yes, you.  Even me.)

"Forget the past things, do NOT dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Even NOW it springs up, do you not feel it?  I am MAKING a way in the wilderness. 




When we belong to Christ, the enemy NEVER has the final word over our lives.  Don't believe the lies. 
Believe God's truth.
PRESS ON, Girl, press on!