I LOVE this article :)

WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?
By Stephanie Garcia
Fat. Yup, I said it. I’m not scared of the word. I’m not embarrassed to use it as an adjective to describe myself. That doesn’t mean my personality is fat. My goals are fat. The love that I give is fat. My job is fat. My athletic ability is fat. It means I’m carrying extra “fat”, and that’s about as much power as I’m going to give the word.
Carrying extra pounds doesn’t stop me from getting out there and doing triathlons, 15Ks and even playing softball. It didn’t stop me from participating in the Dirty Girl 5K mud run, even if I initially had reservations about being able to climb, crawl and shimmy through obstacles I had never done before. Of course visions of muddy clothes clinging to my curves crossed my mind, but in the end, none of that mattered. I realized that out on the Dirty Girl obstacle course. It’s all about having a blast. No one is watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake or fall. No one is noticing those limitations that you’ve placed on yourself. No one is noticing the flaws you think you have. In fact, expect people to lend a hand as you’re climbing over the cargo net, or grab your butt as they help to lift you over a wall.
Believe it or not, being a plus sized athlete is an amazing experience. Participants, spectators and volunteers are on YOUR side. Races and events, no matter what size or type, are filled with positive, encouraging, and motivating participants who WANT you to succeed. You see, the thing with seasoned athletes is that when they notice new racers and participants, they instantly become proud just because you’re there, giving it your all and trying. After all, they were once beginners, too. Participating in a race isn’t defined by how fast you can go, how long you’ve been doing it, or how many times you have to stop to walk or take a break in between miles (which, by the way, is perfectly ok). The last thing you should feel is embarrassed or out of place as a newbie or someone in a body that you think isn’t ideal or athletic enough for a race. Everyone is welcome, and you feel that positive energy as soon as you pin your bib number.
You don’t know how often I have shuffled passed a seasoned runner- huffing, puffing, out of breath and sweating so much you would have thought I had just stepped out of a pool- and heard phrases like “looking good, keep it up”. Believe me. There are NO feelings of sarcasm, jealously or negativity towards newbies or people in the middle of their fitness journey. Everyone is welcome, whether it’s a mud run or a marathon. That simple mentality has given me courage and will continue to give me courage to try longer distances, different races and challenge myself because, after all, we’re all in a race against no one other than our past selves, and they are the only ones holding us back.

I say I'm not.. but then I do

I ran my first 5k last year about this time.  It was amazing, empowering, God filled, and hot. and tiring.  Wonderful wonderful case.  Afterwards, I said it would be my first and only. 

I somehow have signed up for two more. Back to Back.  As in one day, and then the next day.  As in, 14 hrs between them.  One involves mud, the other color bombs.  Makes sense, doesn't it.  I thought so too at the time, but the paint fumes must have impaired my judgement.  And both are about 3 hrs away.  I crack myself up. 

Stuck in a box

On the way home from work, I think about how I feel like I've been released from a box.  I think work truly flattens my personality.  Seriously.  I know this sound ridiculous but... I'm not the "professional" that I have to pretend to be at work.  All dressed up, polite, and quiet.  Nope, not me.  I'm loud, number one.  I'd rather tell you exactly what I think, number two.  And I rather be in my pjs, number three.

I'm trying to think of things that are happy.  Instead of thinking about being in a box
    like I love the sound of my exercise app interupting my music to announce my mileage :)
          I love that my dear husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning
          I'm learning to like the sound of tweeting birds
          I like working with a crew of men (they don't talk much)(truly a blessing not to hear about people's
                                                                 hair not looking right, or who's husband did what, or what
                                                                 jewelry or clothing that was just purchased, or what the dog did)
          I like that I trust God and to know that He is in charge and has MUCH better plans then me.
          I love playing tennis (or catching the ball :)
          I love smiling at little Asian girls.. meanwhile praying for mine
                                                              

Francesca Battistelli - Strangely Dim (Official Lyric Video)

http://youtu.be/MjmZ2v0niCI

I've got a front row seat to the longest wait.

I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.

This song touched my heart.  I feel like I'm stuck in waiting, plans piled high.  My dreams stuck on hold.  I'm so tired of pleading.  Is He listening?   Where is my girl?

I just needed this reminder.  When I give it ALL up, my worries, my impatience fads.  You, Lord, are holding IT all.  No matter what comes.  I will seek Your face