It was a gift of a job (every other Tuesday evening) that just dropped in my hands while we were doing adoption paperwork for Zuri. It didn’t feel like a gift/blessing every time that I cleaned though. Some I loved, other nights I hated. Gary begged me to quit time and time again especially when I went through a period that I was so incredibly tired that I barely could get through those 3 hours.
But so often, it was a time to reflect on the week. I spend so many hours praying for broken things all around me…relationships, crashed hopes, grief, and pain. Crying to Jesus to heal our broken hearts. But I also spent even more hours worshipping my Magnificent Creator, my Lord, singing and dancing to praise music!
They were short in help and knew I had optical experience but I have been out of fashion so long, I didn’t feel like I had it in me. They had filing back up and asked about that. Sure, I said, if I can pick my own hours and so some evenings for a short period of time, I stopped in and said my alphabets.
When Gary has training and meeting in the same week, it seemed like it ended up in the week that I cleaned. It felt tiring… and we want to be home together and I had picked up another part time job in the meantime as well. So I decided to give my notice.
It went incredibly weird when I called to tell him that I wanted to quit. He had been so kind to me, being flexible if I wanted to switch evening, being ok if I had to bring Josie along with me, even inviting me to their Christmas party, giving me a year end bonus… so this made it even harder to say that I wanted to be finished. It felt like a “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup. Because it really was me.. he treated me so respectfully.
I continued a few more times, and then he had a new lady come in one evening for me to teach the ropes. And then it was over.
I had to drop off the rags, and key the next day and I was surprised that I was almost in tears. What?! I wasn’t sad about not cleaning.
But this was supposed to be a short thing until Zuri came home. But here we are. Map jerked out from under us. Still waiting. It’s like the gps that you were using in the jungle caught on fire 🔥… and it’s nighttime. The animals are waiting.
I glanced down at my phone with water filled eyes as I rushed back to my car. I opened up fb just to distract me and right in front of my eyes was the flavor of the day that I had been waiting for at Everything Cheesecake. So I threw my days plans to the wind and immediately headed my car to 81S to Martinsburg thinking about the good in the middle of the cleaning dirt.
….
*When Josie and Gary stopped in and helped those nights when I just couldn’t barely put one foot in front of the other.
*When Janette or Glen sent me a sermon to listen to.
*When my favorite song would come on and my vacuum cleaner felt lighter.
*When G and J stopped in with hot pizza. Or a cold Rita’s.
*When the Lord would lay on my heart to send a message, or song, or sermon to someone.
*When tears would turn to praises.
There is a rawness of heart in the solitude. So be raw. Because God already knows it all anyways.
