Deep memory dreams

It's the perfect weather. We are the beach. It's overcast but warm breeze with roaring waves. Reading, drawing in notes in the sand, praying for my girl somewhere in China, laying here with my best friend and lover. 

There is a naval academy nearby. This may annoy others. But not us. Such a pleasure!  We don't get exited about "power and noise" to often unless its about fire trucks but..... Planes, especially fighter planes! That does it. You can FEEL the power, the noise!  We turn and smile each time one or two paired together roar over. It almost steals my breath, my childhood dreams rush back of being a pilot. 

Then I remember my young adult dreams of being a mother. A mother to a international family. That's the God dream, we are still waiting. 

Secret stories

Everyone reacts differently. 

Little teasing remarks about weight, height, how I talk, my lack of direction, my lack of planning, my clumsiness, my little weird ideas, my beliefs, my worries, my passions. 

They are to b jokes. And they are. Making life a little lighter. Making joy. I love laughter. 

But sometimes our women hearts are bruised, bleeding. Just aching for a encouraging word. A smile. To be told we are a Princess of God. That we are beautiful. That we are perfect. To b told God is going to work BIG things in our lives. Sometimes we need strong MEN in our lives to hold us. We need men on fire for God. We need soul friends, to cry and to hug. To guide us together closer to God.

But how do you respond?

I harden my heart. Lock the stories in. Can't make it look like I don't have it all together.  Can't share the storms, the days that I can't feel God. But I can't share the moments that God is big either. I hate how our pride holds our stories back. How we protect our hearts so we don't feel. 

We need to be windows that the Light is shining through. I need to soften my heart, allow the feelings, the pain, the joy.