Friday, December 9, 2011

Trusting... why is it so difficult?

When back to the doc on Wednesday for my preop and he ordered another ultrasound to check out the cysts.  They are bigger than ever..one is 3 inches and the other 21/2, but yet the doc said that i looked 100% better (emotionally).  and i feel that much better too, just peace about the whole thing.  All a sudden, I'm like let's DO this!  But now on Friday, it's hard again.... I have to keep reminding myself God is holding me right where He wants me.  The surgery could be canceled due to me having a cold.  Oh, this is not a part of my plan, this is not a option.. I suddenly "think" i need to "make" myself better.  I like action!  not waiting.  To me, it felt like God didn't take away my cysts but made them bigger, so He must want me to have surgery.  But now I have a cold, and it could get canceled.  He wants to drop my "ideas" of fixing this thing and just let go.. let Him take care of it, the way He wants to.  I must wait. and listen.

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