The only way out is through everything she's running from

It seemed dark this weekend.. very dark.  Dark beyond my own understanding.  My soul aching for the children of China and for some strange reason, Uganda.

Monday is the "most depressing" day of the year. I believe it.  Back to work full time, and with all these new year resolutions to try to keep (btw, my diet lasted about four hrs).

This morning while walking on the treadmill and listening to music and this was the phrase that caught my attention..
"The only way OUT is through everything she's running from."  I can't run from this.  Maybe that is what I have been doing.  Hiding. 
Continuing to use my umbrella, pretending not to feel or see the rain.
Denial. 

I have to fight through it.

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground, stand UP when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain you won't drown
And one day, what is lost can be found
You stand in the rain

My trip to China has changed my life
It has set me back.. physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

It makes me doubt who I am, what is my existence for? Why them and not me?  Where is my daughter? Why am I am here in this town?  Why am I working this job?  Why did I meet a person that has a mission in a deaf school/orphanage?  Is this a sign?  Why can't I adopt from every country?  Why can't people (even so called Christians) see that racism is sin?  Are you there, God?

This spoke peace to my soul... By Aaron Coalson

"Waiting is expected in the Christian life

The Bible is full of stories of waiting. Abraham and Sarah waited for a child. Joseph waited unjustly in jail. The Hebrews waited for freedom in Egypt. David waited for the throne. The Israelites waited in exile. Paul waited for a thorn to be removed.

Was God not in control here? Is He in control now? God’s plan is perfected in the wait, and we, His people are reminded throughout the course of redemptive history 
A professor once said, “The whole of Christian life is becoming what God has already declared you to be.” The wait you and I experience is not abnormal to the Christian life, but is part of the very essence of the Christian experience.
Our wait is painful, but it will pale in comparison to the glory we will one day see in eternity. Remember this in suffering. When you think about it in light of 100,000 years, it’s like a blip on a radar."