Refreshing the soul

I know that my blog seems heavy. It does to me too. But I started this space originally for my own little heart.  You know, dumping the load off my shoulders. But I chose to believe that I'm not alone in my heart struggles. That someone else out there in blog space struggles too. That someone else out there   believes that God is really strong enough for all of us. 

Went from a small tiny house with all silence and no kiddos to a weekend full of no silence and 4-9 kiddos under six.  It was a weekend that I fully realized that I need God. I saw my faults higher than the mountains, deeper than the sea.  There was nothing wrong with these special tiny children of the King, only me, a rebellious sinner in need of the grace of God stamping my feet wondered why God in His sovereignty hasn't brought me my child. 

Only God can bring us to our knees, and He decided to met me yet again.  He probably feels like He needs a extra assistant to deal with my boat load. 

He showed me that I can't do it on my own, because at some time there is a breaking point if we are running on self power. 

He showed me my selfishness. 

My selfishness. 

My selfishness. 

Did I mention my selfishness?

My impatience. 

That I'm unloving. 

You don't have time for the list. You don't. Promise. And pretty much everything goes back to be selfish. 

My spirit crushed under the weight of conviction.  

It seems as if Satanic attacks are close behind. Whispering in your ears that you are worth nothing, you can never be good enough. You will be a failure of a mother. A failure of a wife.  A failure of a friend. You try and try, but you will always lose. Don't even try. You're exhausted and tired. Give up, it's not worth the fight!  

There is nothing more exhausting then a spiritual battle. 

I know the answers, I just have to tattoo them on my heart

I'm nothing without God, but with God I am new

I'm a child of the king, adopted to be a heir. 

I am precious. Precious enough, for Jesus to die for me. 

I am washed by the blood. 

It's amazing to me that small things can refresh the soul, and truly make you feel God.  Yes, He met me again today. He met me in............

A Popsicle brought to me in bed

The blowing freezing snow. 

Getting off four hrs early!!!!

Pizza date with my Love. 

Shoveling the driveway, the cold wind just making you feel alive. 

Sprinkles on snow ice cream. 

Ticking clock. 

Bubbles in hot water.