Grief can come in all kinds of waves and ways. Can you grieve every moment that you are missing with someone you never met? You may think it impossible. But I know the truth.
I find myself holding onto J more tightly than before because.. well because I can, because she is here. Pulling her in towards me.. feeling her heart beat against mine.
My friend, Jenny, gifted me a Bible study on the book of Habakkuk for Christmas and we have been working through it together slowly, finishing it up today. It was as if He knew I needed this, and had her pick this one out. Oh, right, He did. And then what are the chances that we would be finishing it up on Zuri’s birthday week. Yup. He knew.
This is just my Habakkuk version…
Habakkuk questioned God about why He was allowing evil to overrule God’s people. He pleaded for God to COME and help against the violence and injustice.
God answered and basically says “I’m giving power to a terrible evil nation to bring you, God’s people, down because of your sin!”
I can literally hear Habakkuk respond “WHAT?! Lord, You are holy, pure! You can not tolerate this!”
I picture Habakkuk propping himself back against the stone wall and biting his nails, stomach churning, waiting to see how God is going to answer his complaining.
(We don’t know how long Habakkuk waited, but God was NOT silent. He came close. Wait in faith.)
God says, “Look here. Pay attention. Something is coming. It may seem slow, if so, then wait. It will be right on time!
Look at these humans, they think they are so important. But their souls are so empty.
Let me remind you, the person that is living in Me, they are not empty, they are TRULY FULLY ALIVE!!
(Yes, unbelievable, but Jesus exchanged our sins and gave us His righteousness. We are alive!!!).
He continues to talk about the sins of greed and oppression of others to the point of murder. Talks about dishonesty, violence, slavery, taking advantage of others through drinking and sex. Oh and don’t get Me started on your homemade idols. They can’t do squat. They can’t talk, wake up or breathe. You will be paid back for all of this. You think you are having the time of your life but you are going to pay.
But don’t give up now. Have HOPE.
The earth is going to be filled with My glory. Entirely filled. I’m in My temple, and the earth will become totally silent in awe.
(To me this is where the Gospel happens. Sin, pain, destruction…but then here comes JESUS. Filling the temple. Filled with His glory. So BRIGHT. All my eyes see is bright shards of lightning light.)
Then Habakkuk prays
I have heard alll about your fame, Lord!! I’m stopped in my tracks, fallen in my knees. Repeat them NOW. Along with judging, don’t forget mercy. God, You are on the move again. Your power comes from the mountains, Your splendor covers the heavens, Your brilliance is like light. You stand and shake the earth, You break apart mountains, hills sink. You split the earth with rivers, mountain shutter just by You looking at them.. You march across the earth, stomping nations. You save your people!!! You crush the wicked!!
When I hear this, my stomach does flip flops, thinking of His power, His awe, His judgment. I stammer, shuttering, my bones feel weak and almost fall to the ground.
Disaster is coming. I’m waiting for it.
(And here comes some of the most beautiful words in Scripture. In the middle of all the“crap hitting the fan”, total disaster, he says, “yet I will rejoice!!”)
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights!!
The main kicker is~
Habakkuk realizes that “there will be no food, no income”. He is still choosing to rejoice. Even still.
Because he had reflected on all of God’s characteristics and the ways that He had provided in the past, he could know that God has a plan and is control. He could rejoice. Even still.
Oh these beautiful words…“Yet I will celebrate in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!”
This is calling me to stop. Stop saying “What if” and start saying “Even if”.
I will never truly understand the ways of God. Habakkuk didn’t. I doubt you will either. God has provided in such unique ways in the past. Unexpected ways. So we will reflect on His past ways of faithfulness! We are called to say “Even if……, I will choose to worship!”
I picture Habakkuk crumbled on the floor like me. With shoulders shaking, wild streams making new paths on cheeks. But yet, a hand weakly trying to raise in worship. Reaching. Trusting that God will come. That He will draw close.
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