The calm after the storm

Last week as I tried to paint, tears kept dripping on the canvas.  Eyes too cloudy to see the details. 

I told G that if I would paint what was in my soul, it would have probably been black with a blood dripping heart and lots of splatter. 

It was just too much for my heart.  Broken relationships, feeling full anger and my being to stubborn to forgive, my best coworker friend leaving my office, being offered the assistant manager again (I've already declined twice), the reminder that I'm a failure of a friend, and Mother's day just reminding me my daughter is not in my arms. 

My husband and I did a mud run this weekend and stayed in the city for the night.
You can "run" from the pain, but it will always catch up with you.  I forgot the pain for about a day.  Then 2 elephants climbed on.

Face your demons head on, don't run, don't turn your back.  God will give courage and strength.  Never veer from God's Word.  


Tonight, I felt the total opposite.  I felt what happens when you surrender. When you forgive others and forgive yourself for your own failures, give up your rights and fall into God.  No, it doesn't fix/ take away my problems, but it lighens the elephant on my shoulders.

Peace.  Perfect Peace.  God filled moments.  Please stop the time.  Stop the ticking seconds.  These are the moments.