Maybe it's the my way or the highway child (but than again can you blame her.. The only thing that she hasn't lost is her will), or the 100 percent humidity with mid 80's (even I am 100percent cranky in this heat), or is it trying to parent in hotel room the size of a thumbtack, or maybe it's the constant dread of the journey home.
I took her to the indoor play area for 1/2hr without G. The toys distracted a little, but at least she didn't scream. And in the afternoon I was able to hold her hand a little and also feed her for 10mins on the bus alone. It seems so little but it's so big.
Because we went shopping this afternoon in dripping sweat, we tried for nap in the morning.
Epic fail. May I mention that stiff body rolling to the farthest corner of the crib to get away from you just at the sound of your voice or at looking at your face. I'm surprised you didn't hear it. Oh dear Jesus, calm her heart. We just don't know, is waking up or going to sleep a reset on the grief? Does her little mind bring back everything? Does she remember all of the lost?
I have never met a child with such a loud voice. They said maybe she has a heart condition but her heart is sooo getting oxygen. Dude.
I did find a little dress and I got her name written out in Chinese characters while shopping. Annnnd we spilt a choc chip frappe for Starbucks. A little sunshine entered my life.
We went out to eat together at our Cantonese restaurant again. The whole group went. These ladies and men...They have been God's arms and love to us. Especially me. Every one of them.
Little miss independence likes to undo her diaper when she thinks it's time to change or if she decides she is ready for her bath. Or today, she jerked it off and peed on the chair.
Tonight she undressed so quickly after we got to our room, I didn't know il what was happening, G grabbed her and sat her on the potty and oooohhh the anger. Wowsers. Uncontrollable. She wanted a bath, we found out quickly. We choose not to bath her due to the anger. The language barrier makes it hard to explain to her. After a long day, we may have all been a little mad. Her pjs set her off again, but I just held her and left her look at me. About 2 minutes later, she pointed at the crib, I laid her down and she wiggled and jiggled around until she fell asleep.
Let me tell you. This is way harder adjustment than getting marriage was. And if you think waiting to have kids after you been married awhile is a good idea... It's not. Lol.
God does continue to be faithful. We pray for wisdom every day. Because we are convinced that you can't parent without it. It takes all you got and that's not enough. Only by God's grace.
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