Day 10

Today I felt by 3:00 pm that I just don't have it. I'm just not good enough to parent. As I sat and crying after she cried and cried, I pulled up my Scripture for the day. It basically said... What you fear, give it up and trust in God.

I had begged for prayer from my friends and then God spoke this right into my soul. 

We had some sight seeing this morning and it was wet, hot, and still raining. Not ideal for kids or sightseeing or parents holding kids, or for smelling good. I get that we want to learn the culture but kids DONT care. We stopped to order food and then home to eat and then nap which it was too late to keep a meltdown from happening. 

We were invited to go along with the some of the group to go shopping, but we just said no.  After too much crying we packed up and rented a stroller to get her used to being strapped in. We walked around the block and down through street market. And yes ended up at McDonald's. I know we are in China, but my emotional state is a hot mess and  it felt like comfort food. She often gives Baba hugs and kisses. Today G talked her into her giving me one. She just touchs cheeks. ;) ahh.  Our one guide said... "What? You aren't French. You are Chinese. Kiss with your lips". 

We decided that maybe Josie needed to run so we visited the hotel playground and Josie ran full throttle. Some of the other kids were there and she kinda played with them. She was soaking wet from running and falling all over the place. She jumped on the swing and starting pumping herself. I wasn't sure who was the kid.... G or J.. With all the running around. 

I was giving the night bedtime duty to G, but I somehow tried again. I gave her a very short bath and then held her for a little bit and then she pointed to the crib several times. So I laid her down and then crying and wanting back up. We did this three times.  She just finally fell asleep. This is the first time she didn't want held and rocked. Is this good or bad, I don't know. But it was WAY less crying. And my mamas heart needed that. 

I love truly love, that this hotel is full of adopting families. We get each other and you will never ever find a better supportive group. I just feel like each one was sent here at this time for me. A lady in the elevator informed me that yes I would be back again. She just adopted her fourth.  Haha. :).