Day 14, 15, and 16

We had so many prayer warriors for the trip home. We left the hotel at 9 to head to the airport and then through all the security, luggage stuff. First flight from 12-3 to Beijing.  We kept her awake and she did much better than 5 days ago. Then down again to wait till 7 to take off for America for the long flight. 12+hrs. With Gods grace and the prayers of who love us, Josie was able to sleep 7+ hrs.  We need two seats to spread out her since nothing can be touching her feet. One of us stayed there and caught her if she rolled and the other one found a empty seat to catch snoozes. We were so thankful. The other hrs were filled with Baba feeling like he was holding onto a greased octopus. Legs wiggling everywhere. I was never so happy to feel America under my feet. 

After a hr or so of going to immigration due to adopting a child, they finally finished her paperwork that says that she is resident. Her citizenship will come in the mail in 1-3 months. 

Finally out to see my parents that had came to pick us us. Soo happy to see them!!  G's parents surprised us and was there too. Sonya had sent balloons and a welcome sign. My mom had packed a huge bag of tricks and snacks for the last 1 1/2 hour ride home. What a blessing, it almost went fast. 

First I saw balloons off interstate and when we pulled in, I sobbed. I had held it together for the entire journey home but that was it. They (my family, my coworkers, my friends) had balloons and glow sticks covering the front porch, lining the edge of the walkway, hanging out of the tree, and the back porch. Inside I have dozens of notes of bible verses, encouraging quotes, and funny sayings tucked into cabinets, drawers, and everywhere you could think of. The kitchen counter was covered with gifts of thoughtfulness. My heart felt all the love. And I'm still clinging to that love. In the middle of the screaming. I cling. 

My family and my two best friend supporters was here to welcome us in. Josie loved the kids. It was such a blessing to be home. I believe my family fell in love :). 

Josie has been doing well around others. But it makes my heart smile that she refuses to go to other adults. I know, that sounds cruel and unusual but my heart still hurts a little from rejection, and I want her to run to me first. 

Night time has been a terror. Both for her and us. First problem is the switch of time... 12hrs off. So she will fall asleep for a hr and then wake up for screaming for a hr and then repeat and repeat and repeat. It is so hard to know if she's scared or lonely or just exhausted or mad. She kicks and about blows our ears off with the voice. We take turns trying to comfort her. There doesn't appear to be any rhyme or reason on how to do that. 

Sometimes we try to hold and rock her, sometimes that makes her madder. We try putting her in our bed or sleeping on the floor curled around her.. Both of those makes the anger stronger. Sometimes we let her cry. Sometimes we pat her in the crib. Sometimes we try food or drink or music or lights or toys or...... 

But it seems like it's very hour. I can't hardly stand it. 

Daytime is getting better but it's 24-7 entertainment. She hates when G is gone out of sight. G decided to finish the driveway sealing and with a run to Lowes.. 2+ hours later without dad in sight, I was shot. 

My cousin from out of state came and visited with her family, my sister stopped over with smoothies, my sisterinlaw dropped by with her kiddos, and a friend dropped off a high chair. I know that we are to be cocooning but for me they are distractions that I love. They make my blood pressure level. 

This afternoon we managed to get the pool up and starting to fill. Josie saw the water and started undressing. She may have had a meltdown when she realized we were not giving in today. But I have a feeling it will be a hit next week. She loves cool water, even her bath water so I'm guessing it will be enjoyed. The mama and baba with have the harder time with the cold water ;). 

This evening we decided to go and try out the car seat. They don't use any seat belts or car seats in China. So being strapped in is highly annoying to Missy Pants. We went over to his parents and two of G's brothers were there. They loved making over her and enjoying giving her chips (probably her first ones). Again she did well with the kids and even played with them for a little while. Grandma wanted to hold her but that wasn't happening. 

Now I could repeat the whole section on sleeping here again. Ugh. I'm wide awake with her again and then can't fall back to sleep with my ears ringing. And my heart hurting. I love her so much, I guess that's why it hurts so bad. Because Mama can't fix this one. 

Things I'm struggling with are ...

what am I doing to do without Gary?? What am I going to do when he goes back to work? Will our marriage never be the same?  Will we ever have us time again?  Because the screaming makes me miss us. 

Thank you again for all the prayers, emails, texts, notes and everything thing else. 

Please continue to pray for us. We plead every day for wisdom. It's so beyond ourselves.