Joy and Grief

We got our travel dates!!!! We leave May 6 and we will get to see Josie with our own eyes and touch her with our own hands on May 10th. This happens to be on Mothers Day!  I feel overwhelmed with God's arms holding us... I feel Him tightening His hug. He does care about the little details. 

I wonder if people can even feel my excitement because it's so tangled up in grief. Now you are wondering "why grief".

 

My daughter is gaining a mom and a dad. But she doesn't even know what that is. But she knows this.... she is losing everything that she has ever known. First she loss her mama. Now she loses her orphanage friends, her country, the smells, the language, and her nannies. Yes, she isn't in good surroundings. But that is all she knows. 

Imagine any 2 1/2 yr old that you know....imagine how that child would respond if you took them away from everything. And flew away around the world with two pale skins, funny talking, weird smelling people. 

Imagine if it happened to you. Imagine the fear. 

I can't express the love I have for my daughter. Just can't. But I'm also already aching for her pain... Heart crushing pain. 

Adoption is gorgeous but it also comes from loss. 

Do NOT stop praying.  Even after we leave. Even after we get home. Maybe even whisper more... go ahead and fall down and weep to the great Maker and Healer for us. We do not adopt because we feel qualified. But we adopt to follow God's leading and to see God work through our imperfect lives.

Celebrating Josie

My heart over flows.

My sister, sisterinlaw, and Mom hosted a shower for me. It was the most gorgeous decorated thing I ever did see. With world globes and Chinese decor and pinks and blues. It made me shiver in my boots.  And not only did I think so, but it was quoted by a guest that it was the best party food ever. Homemade spring rolls, sausage wraps, mini mini cupcakes, tea and fortune cookies. And every gift was precious and warmed me down to my toes. Pink, fluffy, and soft pretties. 

But it wasn't all about that. It was WAY more. 

This is what got me the most...the part that choked up my heart and tears...

the honor of knowing each and every one of these precious ladies. 

Each one brings a different story to tell.  

Each one has a part of my heart. 

Each one has been brought into my life for a purpose. To encourage and be encouraged. To bless and to be blessed. 

I don't deserve these family and friendships. But God loans to me these precious relationships. 

I  am honored to be trusted with them. May I never forget the support. The love. And may I shower it back on them.

May God pour blessings on them and that God would hear their prayers and answer. 

Go NOW

We will be first time parents. I think that alone can make this journey seem more scary. And that I have read and read people's journeys and books. 

I was able to go with a medical team to China over a year ago to visit and evaluate kids in three different orphanages. I got to see the effect of neglect on our precious kiddos. All these things make this waiting seem like forever. Now that we have a picture of our daughters face, these two months seem longer then the last three years all put together. 

I just want to go NOW. 

See that preciousness. See that!!  Does my heart's cry make more sense now?

I wonder

It's Chinese New Year. I wonder if Josie's orphanage is having any celebrating. I wish she was here so we could celebrate together. We would eat yummy food and make lanterns and giggle and snuggle. 

But I have to trust. God is way better than I when it comes to comforting and making us feel special. God is holding her in His hand. God's got this. 

Dreams...

We are feeling overwhelmed with love and our hearts are filled with praise! God has answered our prayers.  We will be getting our precious daughter Josie in April or May.  We are almost in shock :) because we have waiting soooo long.  It is finally here.  And God has absolute perfect timing.  We are working through more paperwork, but it seems ok now... because we have a picture of our gorgeous daughter in front of us!
Life is going to be so different.. I trying to think like a mom, act like a mom.  I can get overwhelmed by thinking about what I need. Diapers, cups, creams, car seats, baby toothbrush, hair bows, little shoes, pjs, rice and noodles, and the list goes on and on.

 And then I realize, what I really need is LOVE.  And I got that.  Amen

Racism

My heart goes out to the people and the rioting in Ferguson.  It seems like it is a war of whites and blacks.  I HATE IT.  I can't really change it or make it stop. 
But it got me thinking about my life and the human race and the changes I can make in my life and my community. 

I have always dreamed of having a interracial family because I feel like its a reflecting of God's family.  I am VERY aware of adoption and racism comments that were commented to me that are plain heart bleeding.  I wonder if the people saying them has ANY idea that they are hurtful.  But I wonder if I have ever said anything that could have been hurtful to someone other than Caucasian, without intending it.  If I have, I'm am sorry!

I was listening to a podcast this morning and it made me think.

1. Regardless of what race you are, there are two sides.  Both can be wrong, both can be rude, both can be unchristian.  Still with that said, We are called to love.  We need to feel compassion on both sides. 
2.  God's Kingdom trumps everything.  To be a Child of God, we need to put our differences away.  In God's Church, all races are there.  We are all brothers and sisters in the Lord.  I'm sorry that I'm pasty white and opinionated and very flawed but I'm still your sister, and because of that, regardless of what skin shade you are, I need to feel compassion and I love YOU.  
3.  Forgiveness.  God calls me/us to go and forgiveness even if it was something done against me/us.  It doesn't matter if that wrong doer doesn't want forgiveness.  We are commanded by God to forgive. 
4.  Racism.  I often wonder how "Christians" can be racist.  Because our Lord's Son most likely wasn't white because He was from the Middle East.  I don't care what your great great grandparents thought or felt.  We need healed from the sin of the past.  My heart aches at the injustice of the past and present.  (If you need a book to read, read Uncle Tom's Cabin, so MUCH sin and injustice).  We, as Christians, need to rise above the past.  The Bible is very clear that ALL people are valued.  All people are God's creation.  All are called to be His son's and daughters.  All can be saved through Jesus' blood.

Love to you.....

Momma love

So I go over to help my mom and somehow I end up with a bag of goodies to come home with. 

It seems like this happens ever time I visit. 

But today was a extra special gift. You see, my mom knows I really really don't like crust. I would rather just skip the pie. I know they are delicious, but nah, I hate that bottom. And my mom does make the best crust but nope. 

So she sometimes when she makes the filling and she makes the excuse that it's a ity bity too much to fit in the crust, she makes me this tiny little pie. 

Just for me. 

It melts my heart. 

Because you know, it's mom's job to make us eat stuff that's good for you. Like spinach or yogurt or liver even if you would rather not.  

But then, boom, this sweet treat. And it ain't good for you. At ALL. 

I share most stuff with G. But not this. Don't judge me. Or roll your eyes. Just don't. 

It's ground cherry pie. I can't help it. 

I ate half of it and hid the rest in the fruit department of the frig.  He doesn't like fruit. He won't get in there. And I covered it up with one of those produce bags. 

Mom also give me pumpkin whoopie pies, apples and soap. I'll share that. I'm not completely selfish.