Christmas is coming

We have been fighting terrible coughs for about three weeks. None of us went to the doctors yet, but every day I try to figure out if I should take Josie. This translates into long long nights of coughing, crying, irritableness, and random kicking of blankets. 

The other day, I felt guilty of our schedule of getting up at 9ish and eating breakfast at 10ish, but that's what she likes. 

After last night, I decided I needed to get over feeling guilty about it. I was up hrs and I need sleep to be able to function emotionally. I wish I was one of those people that can just sleep 7 hrs and be good. But I'm not. 

We attended Gary's work Christmas party on Sunday. It's always a long day of 1 1/2 hr drive there and a few hrs sitting and then the drive home again. But I found out... It's even a longerrrr day with a toddler. 

She was rather pleased with her first Christmas gift. She tries to sing Away in a Manager. It's cute but a little shoddy. Sometimes she remembers that it's Jesus in the manager, other days she thinks it is Josie. She had her own little fan club going on there at the company Christmas especially since it was the first time most of his coworkers would have met her. 

Times like these, I'm overwhelmed by the support that we have.  So thankful that our people has crowded in and listened and prayed and loved us through these months. 

So many people tell me that she is adorable and I always feel at lost for words. I was telling Gary that and he said, just tell them thanks. I just feel like by saying thanks that is taking the credit away from God. I look at her beauty and am in awe of God. Only God. 

It seems as we have a good week then follows a rough week. I just expected myself to have adjusted by now. But it is STILL hard. I don't really miss my actually work at my job anymore, but now I'm missing being alone. Very very bad. I feel like a terrible person just saying that out loud but seriously right now I'm laying on the couch and she is crawling up my skirt. Completely up my skirt. I'm serious. Some days I only remain sane because of my Facebook adoption pages. They are real, they are honest, they feel the struggles. We talk about wanting to go to the bathroom by ourselves. We talk about being failures. And we talk about Jesus. We talk about sleep issues, about not knowing how to play, about the kids habits that didn't come from us, about wanting to run away for a evening, about over simulation and hyper activeness. 

And then I start to feel ok again. That I'm not just crazy. At least I'm not going by myself. 

We try to take a short walk every day just to clear the cobwebs. We went to the library today and took a walk at the park on the way there. 

She was pleased as you can tell. It probably had something to do with that Grandma came along with us :). 

One of G's favorite Christmas snacks are Christmas wreaths.  I tried them once before and then did not turn out. But this time they worked out. So yummy but don't ask about how much green food coloring that they take. Or about what that green does to you. 

Occasionally we act her age. And it feels good. 

I ran into this song again and was thinking about how it spoke to me and moved me to tears while I was waiting on God to send me my little girl. I had felt so broken and wondered why, Lord, why. Now I see beauty in the wait and trusting God. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmi9IBP209s

Now today it again had me in tears, I'm trusting with faith that God can still bend us but not break us. That He will mold us through the trials that we can become something even greater. I'm praying that God shows His power especially to my friends that are without a job right now and it's unbelieveablely hard to trust. 

Believe with me. 

Believe in the miracle of Jesus' birth and how He died and rose and now can live in us. 

Remember with me that it's all about Jesus this season. All about Him. Give Him your all. And be Him. Let your Jesus light shine. Give your all to others.