Oh, Crap!

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh, crap, she's up"!!!!!

Sogginess...

Everyone has some type of rain in their lives.  We're one great, big, beautiful, soggy mess -- and God loves us all! 

Rain can cause pain, hurt, and hate.. and it often is taken out on unexpecting people.. when someone lashs out about a simple thing like how their glasses can't be repaired even after they ran over them with a car.. or whatever the rain... I try to remember that I have no idea the battles that they are facing.. or how their rain makes them feel like they are drowning.  They just need someone to care, someone to love!

Give unconditional love! 

"I love you" means something very special and very concrete. It means that I surround you with the feeling that allows you-- perhaps even requires you -- to be everything you really are as a human being at that moment. When my love is fullest, you are most fully you. You may be good, or bad, or both; tender or angry, or both; but you are you, which is the very most I could ever ask or expect. And so I experience you in all your beauty and all your ugliness. But you, not what I expect, or want, or what you feel you should be, or were fashioned to be, but really you.

One of my coworkers told me that I'm just like her but I don't say what I feel like she does.  No, I refuse to feel and say what she does.... I choose to Love, not because it's easy, but because Jesus chose to love my unlovely self and I want to PASS it on! 

Christmas... and beyond

got together with both (g's and i) families on Christmas.  We had a wonderful time.. and our sister-in-law told us that she is expecting.  I'm so happy for her, but my heart is pained.
  I just cry out to God to protect MY girl for me because I can't protect her like others that are pregnant.  I can't make sure that i eat the right thing so my baby gets enough food and is healthy..I have to rely on God to do the taking care of.

Back to work

back to work today.. didn't care for it. at all.  I'm trying to feel blessed that i have a job and that i do feel well enough to go back. but.

The stress of dealing with people of all kinds and then add coworkers.  It just seems like everyone is stressed out because of Christmas and that it doesn't take much to snap. and i got tired of everyone telling me what to do.  and people would say.. ah, you should feel amazing and unstressed because you were home for a week.  "Oh, yeah, I love having surgery and being in pain for a week.  yeah, it was amazingly relaxing, thanks."  but instead i just smiled at them.   

So happy that the day ended and that i got to come home and chill and i am very happy i have a job, i'm sure tomorrow will be better :).

cat scratches

yup, that's they look like.. my battle scars.  Who ever has heard of someone staying home for a week and maybe two for cat scratches??!?  then i remind myself that it's all internal.  That it just takes time to heal, but these walls are closing in.  Today was my first day off all doc rxs.  Didn't do to bad, hoping tonight i'll be able to sleep with nightmares or sweats (maybe side effects of the meds). 

Finished my christmas letter tonight.. ahh, how do you wrap up a yrs stuff in one paper and make it interesting.  I guess its not interesting, but who's life is?  it's like this.. I love adoption, love talking about, thinking about, dreaming about, but i bore you to tears talking about it.  But everyone has their own passion that's ok.  The important thing is be PASSIONATE about something.  I dislike half ass people.  I like full people, on fire people, bubbly people.  Live & Believe what you are passionate about... then others may care.

It's all up from here at least that's what G says ;)

Had the surgery.  one of the cysts was like a baseball per the doc.  He said that i was a tough one, but he lies:)  Thank God it's over.  I know that so many friends were praying for me, lifting me up to the highest power ever:)  So incredulously sleepy yesterday.. I just slept, ate crackers, and popped pills.. what a life. ha.  and G was a serious lady's man waiting on me hand and foot.. doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, cooking food, walking with me, and running to the store :)  gotta love him. 
highlight of yesterday.. G walking into my room with a smiley balloon after surgery.  i told him that it made me smile,  he said "it did not, you started crying"  well, that was just my way of smiling for the moment.. so :)

G went to work this afternoon and mom came over.  i felt bad as i was sleeping and she was ironing for me.  She did lay down and took a nap with me later:).  Sister stopped in with cookies, snacks, cake and the works.  It was sad that she had to go.. i like this family time.  I tryed to walk, cough and do some deep breathing today like a good little patient is supposed to do.. but that's for the dogs. 
Highlight for the day.. Coworker stopped flowers and a card off from the office.  Lilies are my favorite flowers and they smell amazing.  Sometimes I wonder if they even like my weird little self and then they do something so special :)

Coincidence?

Last night we celebrated G's bday going to the concert "The Story Tour"... it was truly amazing as the artists worked their way from Genesis to Revelations.  Makes me really realize what Jesus went through to be my Saviour!  and that I can have faith in Him no matter what I'm going through.  They asked for people to sponsor children through World Vision and we decided to.  Some people may think it was JUST coincidence that the young boy that we were given had G's bday and was born the year we got married.

But I think it was God's WINK in our direction!

Then on the way out, a  lady stopped and looked directly at me and told me hello.. I guess she saw my blank look and said "I'm Emilee from AWAA".  Ah, I'm sorry, but that can't be anything, but God!  Makes me smile.. Thank God for watching over me.

We didn't get into bed until 1:30 and I was awake ALOT :)... my stomach hurting.  and now up at 4:00 to get ready for surgery.. Here we go, God, please hold me tight!