Yes, I was believing that the “house was on fire” behind me and it was totally ok because Jesus had this.
God has this.
He does.
And I still believe that.
But even while believing ..one day you are breathing just fine skipping along, and the next instant your chest is crushed and gasping to find air when grief hits you out of absolute nowhere.
That was Sunday. A young man was having devotions and was asking if anyone would willingly give up a arm? What about a leg? Of course , no one wanted to. Then he went on to remind us how important each different part of the body is, and how necessary each one of us are. How each person matters to God. Well, that’s what I think he was saying.
It didn’t even make sense at the time why all a sudden my air was gone. Looking back, I can see how my mind was processing the words.
Grief and screams of why.
My baby girl is turning 5. And still without her mama. Her baba. Her sister.
No pictures for a year. Silence. Is she still alive? Does anyone hold her? Or sing to her? Or make sure she has a full tummy? Is she tucked in at night with kisses? Why does she have to pay for what she doesn’t deserve?
Monday night, a friend stopped in and as she sat at my kitchen table, the conversation turned to hard questions about the past and God’s faithfulness. She looked me in the eyes and asked if I wanted to hear her story of how God had been faithful in the past weeks.
Oh, please do!!!
She told me that she looks for everyday miracles and shared a few with me. Little tiny things that happen throughout the day that remind us that Jesus is present and that He cares.
Everyday miracles. Maybe I could find one on Zuri’s birthday. Maybe a half of one. Maybe a itsy bitsy one.
Tuesday. She’s 5.
My dear friend messaged early to let me know that she remembered my beautiful daughter and that she was worth while celebrating. Miracle.. I still have friends that love messy me.
I was planning on refusing to celebrate. It hurt too much. I would throw stones at the lack of decisions that the cold hearted officials could change rules/policies but just flat out don’t care. I was just going to put my “lip gloss” and ignore the day.
But with her words. My heart changed.
SHE IS worth celebrating!!! Someone may not be tucking her in tight with kisses. But someone is CELEBRATING her beautiful life!!
We ARE!!
She isn’t one in a million to us. Her life is seeped into our daily, hourly, seconds of our thoughts.
Look for the everyday miracles…the words tumbled through my foggy morning brain.
So while waking up, I blasted our song for her “ Hold Her by For King and Country”. Miracle..tears didn’t drown me.
I dressed up in my Asian shirt and my 🐼 and Worth The Wait bracelets. Miracle..I found a smile.
I sat down in the living room for a few minutes to read my Bible verse that pops up each morning to read. Miracle..the verse.
Then looked up and see our celebration pictures that we got taken over 3 yrs ago hanging there on the wall staring at me. Miracle.. suddenly the sun was shining in the window making a heart shape glare.
Finished up the complicated building blocks set that I got for Josie for Chinese New Year. She abandoned the project from close to the beginning because of how hard it was. Miracle..it’s in one piece. Don’t even doubt my words. This set was ridiculous. 
I made a mistake at work that costed my employer a lot. It physically hurt my stomach and I wanted to pay for it. I will never forget his words. Miracle..his words.. “it’s nothing but a thing”. Miracle.. forgiveness.
Lord, help me to treat others with respect and dignity and to forgive. Lord, forgive me.
Josie and I stopped to pick up 5 balloons because a birthday girl always needs balloons and then we sent a few in the air after Gary got home.. just for fun. I whispered prayers over them. Miracle..Josie’s joy. Miracle..the blue sky. Miracle..this green grass.
We ended the day deciding to go to the local Chinese Banquet. She had shiny pennies along to make wishes. She was concerned that she forgot to wish. I whispered in her ear that wishes are overrated and that I prayed for her that Zuri would come home. Her smile stretched wide. Miracle..after 3 yrs of praying the same thing, her faith has not changed
It had been 2 yrs🤷♀️ since we were there and Josie acted in awe. 😆. It was so hilarious watching her expressions of disbelief that she could go back as many times as she wanted. Let say it this way… she ate her body weight in food.
She literally was purring with her eyes closed.
So yes, Zuri, you were celebrated today. You are worth celebrating!! Miracle..her life.
No comments:
Post a Comment