I know I do a terrible job of hiding it, and try I do, but this never ending wait for Zuri is beyond hard. The open endlessness. An pregnancy that will never end. We re-did our kitchen and dining room floors, painted and stained our kitchen cabinets, and then repainted the dining room. I looked around and picked the cabinets because I figured that it was the worst home improvement that I could do. It lived up it my expectations but it still only dulled the pain for moments. Next on my list is paint my kitchen table, paint the bathroom, re-caulk the bathtub, and anything else that I can dream up. ;0
We long and pray for an update or picture, but yet when it comes, I have these internal raging fits of anger. She is so beautiful that my heart just can't bear the pain of her growing one more day without her here with me (us). I'm missing her chubby tiny fingers slimming and getting longer, her hair growing down her forehead, her button nose, and the cute little things that toddlers do and say. She is even turning 3 this month, and we already celebrated her last birthday without her. Endless amount of loss. Another waiting mom said that she prays and BELIEVES that God will redeem EVERY lost moment. I guess I like that, so pray it for me because most days I can't pray it for myself. I know that God is doing a work in me although some days it doesn't feel like it. He has given me a real desire to read the Bible this year, and David in the Psalms has been speaking to my soul. He writes about how defeated and discouraged he was, but yet, he comes back to God's faithfulness again and again. So I play it in my mind on repeat...God is faithful ~ He has a plan...over and over again.
People try to say helpful things like "well, she is being taking care of and doesn't even understand that she is missing being in a family", or give reasons on how "yes, you can travel to China and why are you still waiting". Not helpful, ok.
Yes, we are following all China travel procedures and protocols in the news. No we can not go yet. We have visas but they are still suspended and we have wait until they issue a document called TA (travel approval) to start the adoption paperwork flow again. If we were able to travel currently they are talking about 2 week quarantines, vaccines, and even anal swabs for covid (Gary and I actually snorted when we read that because I suppose its better than crying). Well, if that would get us to our daughter, then yup, we would do it. But even with these regulations, we can't go until they say.
But until then I will ...treasure and cry over every picture of her sweet face with all of my heart...
