She is a serious but a funny one

Today she told me that her China mom ate lots of mashed potatoes when she was in her tummy. I asked why?  She said "is it just what you eat when you have a baby in your tummy. It's for the baby."

G was telling about his health at work visit and casually mentioned that he might have to pee in a cup. Josie looked up and said, whatttttttt?  It was so funny to explain that and after so many questions... she says "that's weird". Yes. I agree. 

She has been introduced to broken families and it probably comes up every day.. "why mommy goes away and don't come back",  "I hate that momma", "that momma have to come back", and "where that mommy live"? 

"Can you bring home a baby from China for me to play with?"

Also introduced to death. After what seemed like hours of explaining she still whispered at the casket "wake up". "I tried to wake him up, mom" "why he not wake up". She almost always remembers to pray for the family every night. "Help her not to cry about missing her daddy. But crying is good when you are sad."  

Christmas

I'm just overflowing with thankfulness. We are so blessed. If you have Jesus, food, and a warm house then you are too. We are having so much fun trying to teach Josie about Christmas this year. We bought a birthday cake and sung happy birthday to Jesus. She loved it and it was the only thing she thanked God for that night in her prayers, "thank you we could have cake for God". She is a little confused to why God can't eat with us. I assured her that Jesus knows everything and was enjoying our celebrations too 🤓. 

He is like the wind. You can't see Him, but you can feel Him. 

For God so loved the world that He gave his only Begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life!!!  

The story of His birth is so beautiful, but it's His death that can save us. Make that choice today..Believe in Him. Feel Him. 

It's seems like a lot has went down lately. We decided that I could go to China to visit Grace Village ZKO for 10 days. To my surprise and delight.. I have 3 dear friends committed to going along. Josie being ok and the cost was the biggest hardest part of the decision. I decided to try a fundraiser of making Mocha Truffles. I figured I would sell 10boxes. Well, my friends apparently love orphans as much as I do and went crazy with support. 120 boxes later.. my plane ticket is paid. I'm weepy with the amazement and how God worked a miracle through my supporters. Thanks to each of you for allowing me to be YOUR arms and feet of Jesus. 

In the middle of chocolate making, I ended up in the hospital. A infection decided to randomly place itself inside of me. Doctors said no way to keep it from happening, I just drew the lucky straw. I figured Josie would have sleep issues again but she did not, praise God. Everything is better if you have good sleep. 

Gary is doing great at work. He's in the top three salesmen and fighting for number two. But he would never tell you :). We were just talking about stereotyping and we were laughing that no one would guess that he was a salesman or a firefighter... I guess to some he is too short, quiet, non feisty, and bald.  To me he is loud, jokester, just my size, bald and perfect. 

Josie is just full of herself. She doesn't get tired. Like ever. If she isn't doing cartwheels, she just wiggling like a centipede. And she is about that quick too. I literally have never been so tired but blessed in my life. Hats 🎩 off to all those with multiple kiddos. I have no idea how you are even alive. You are truly being pecked to death while living. 

She finished her first session of swim lesson and did excellent. Hopefully by summer, she will be swimming. She is happiest if she is helping. She loves to empty the dishwasher all by herself and help with laundry and empty trash.  If you ask her to play, she can't figure that out .... but ask her to do housework she will be like honey on bees. 

She wants to go everywhere and anywhere. If we are out and about, "can we go to one more store? I have a good idea, let's go to cvs. Or shop and save, we need orange juice".  She loves people. Any people. If she doesn't know you, it doesn't matter. You must come and stay. 

I got her adoption pictures printed out and she would look at them every day if I left her. I can't hardly believe how much she has changed and grown and has learned. 

Anywoo.... praying that you are doing excellent and pulling your peeps in close and treasuring them this Christmas. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours!! 

Catching up

I know I should write again. I used to get inspiration while driving alone. Hmm, alone. What IS that?  I'll try to catch you up. 

God somehow blessed me with two soul friends. I don't deserve them. Friends able to reach down and lift up. 

Sometimes it's hard to look pass the face, but take the chance. Reach out. You may be missing your new best friend, and they are standing right in front of you.

My best friends took a chance with me even though I didn't deserve it. 

Josie..

Where do I start?  She loves to use words like "apparently, frustrating, privacy, or having a issue" even if it doesn't make sense. She has no filter and its opening up a high new level of embarrassment for me. Like a large woman leaning on her shopping cart...within hearing distance "can't she walk?" Very loudly. Or "I can't tell if that a boy or a girl?"  She uses her manners at the most "interesting" moments. Like walking up to a work release prison worker that is emptying trash cans at the park and saying.."what's your name? Oh, Bill. My name is Josie. Nice to meet you."  Oh most days she can't remember to use a single manner, until she wants to remind you to say please and thank you after EVERY SINGLE phrase. Or after she is WAY disobedient and I'm WAY cross at her...she says "smile, Mama" it's not nice to frown". Pthhhhh

She seems to remember nothing from before the adoption. We occasionally asked her questions just to see if she would answer anything. We were eating pizza tonight and we decided to tell stories. She started our story as "a long time ago once upon a time she was tiny tiny and in China and she had two girls that took care of her".  Supposedly they fed her with a spoon and she had all kinds of details about how it was. She seem to be telling the truth. Gary and I was raising eyebrows at each other thinking we're getting somewhere. And then I asked her if she could give me the name of who she played with and she paused and tilted head and she's like.... "Eli" with a smirk. We all rolled with laughter. We will never know but it was good to have real belly laugh. 

I went away for three days and two nights for the first time while mom and Gary took care of Josie. I thought it would be rough but she was just fine. We Facetimed each day and she was WAY more interested in seeing my friend then me. But after I came back, sleeping again became a issue, only one night in two weeks, she went to sleep without screaming and stayed sleeping. We are doing again a sleeping chart that if she fills it up, she gets a prize. It's not working this time :). Tonight she told me that she wanted her sound machine on so that she couldn't hear the tiger that is outside and it could get her. We had a impromptu lesson on where tigers live. Lately lots of leg cramps and occasionally arm cramps which would cause screaming at night. It seems to be happening less with magnesium, calcium, and a daily banana. Thank you, Jesus!  

We walk to the grocery store, dollar general, or cvs at least once a week. I give her the choice to walk or drive, she always picks to walk it. We walked by a dead bird, while she is tripping around nearly falling into the road. The good mother that I am, I ask "do you want to fall into the road and get run over and look like that dead flat like a pancake bird"?  She calmly looks up and says, "no. But if I do, I'll go to heaven and get to meet Devin (my best friend's Angel)."  Oh, melt my stinkin' heart. 

Does every child move at the rate of a constipated sloth on Sunday mornings?  I'm sorry if I ever thought why are those people always late... Especially those with lots of kiddos. I have to SPOON feed every bite on Sunday mornings. Why?  Why?  I always feel like a super mom if we are sitting in church on time. 

Her favorite songs right now are Jesus Loves Me, Praise Him Praise Him, You Are My Sunshine, and a homemade one about if you see, you have to put your glasses on. Favorite food is still noodles but now also shrimp. Expensive kid. She searches the sales flyers to find "that stuff that you can't touch your eyes while eating it". 

Aug 2016

I need tips on little girl hair combing. Oh my stars. It is so matted in the back EVERY single morning. Even with conditioner and detangler. Along with the tears... It's kinda like trying to comb a mane while the horse is jumping hurdles in a entire field of cactus. And I used to dream of combing my little girls hair. Apparently the dreams were WAY unrealistic. 

Oh and btw, I totally trusted her with her scissors up to today. But nope, trusting is overrated. She hacked off the front because "it was in her way, and couldn't see". She even threw the hair away in the trash. Hmmm. 

One of her favorite phrases is "you have to get over and do it anyways". It is quoted back to me, anytime I say that I don't want to do something. Such as cook, or teach her to write letters. There is nothing like having your own words thrown back into your face. 

Things that I am learning

Things I'm learning...

1.  I remember hanging out in the backyard with Mr, just relaxing, all peaceful and calm. And then out of the beautiful stillness, came screaming of neighbors kids.  It would go on and on.  I would wonder WHY?!?!  Are they being hurt? Where are the parents?  

What I know now is.... My daughter screams earth shuttering tones randomly. I often ask why. Today the answer is "I'm yelling at the sun, cause it went bye bye. Yesterday the answer was "bird might eat my house".  Yes, the parents are here, they are just hanging on the edge of the cliff desperately trying to remain calm. 

2.  Monday were tough. 

Mondays are now tougher. I picked her clothes, she didn't like them, so I LEFT her choose what she wanted to wear.  The clothes that SHE picked out, she refused to put them on along with lots of kicking. Because they didn't match my clothes. OH YES, YOU WILL.  Two minutes later, crying because her hair was in her eyes and she couldn't see. I asked if she wanted her hair combed and yes she answered. Two seconds later, I'm combing her hair with flat out screaming, because now she's mad that I'm combing her hair. 

3.  Hand dryers are fun but self flushing toilets are scary. 

I don't like hand dryers but now they are hilarious to me.  She jumps and rocks her head and laughs and yells in excitement of hand dryers. Who knew they were sooo much fun?  But a automatic toilet is straight up scary. She rolls her shoulders up tight and shakes. 

4.  Your child may scream all evening. And mama may go weep in a random parking lot. And if you see this mama, or any crying mama, don't tell her to enjoy this age because it will go past so quickly. Don't tell her the teenage years are worse. Instead. Hug this mama. Tight. And pray. 

5.  Softly whispered words that was spoke to herself... "Mama will always come back"...will choke you up more than ever before. 

6.  There is such a thing as too much birthday. Lol. Yes, you already knew this. I did not. 

7.  I'm learning to stop comparing my child to other 4yr olds. She will act like a one yr old at times because she just can't express herself with words. There are 3yrs of orphanage life in her history. Grief will pour out when you do not expect it. 

8.  I need God EVERY SINGLE SECOND. 

9.  To stop expecting for my people to "get it". God doesn't ask each of us to have the same passions or the same strengths, or the same struggles. I want people to see how beautiful adoption is even when we are low in the valley. I want people to be passionate about stopping abortion.  But yet, only God can give you these callings. You may have beautiful God given burdens that you want others to feel too. I'm learning to pray for God to lay His hands on us and touch our lives and to help us to be BRAVE and do what He has called us to. 

Mothers Day and beyond

I haven't written for a while. Mother's Day and Gotcha Day was all in the same week. Mr G and J treated me like a queen. Josie picked out some body wash for me and was pleased as a pickle to give them to me. She is such a happy girl. I may or may not have cried thinking of how a year can change so much. It was a beautiful weekend but still emotional. We remembered the heart breaking grief of a year ago. I remember pouring out to God last year...What if she never loves me?  A year later, that fear has left me. She loves us, undeservingly.  God is good, all the time. Even when we don't feel it. He is still good. 

We celebrated by going to Philadelphia to see a Asian Light Festival and walked through Chinatown.  We loved it. We ate at a local Chinese restaurant and after listing a huge list of foods to her and wanting her to pick, she said "French fries". Lol. Pathetic. We walked over 5 miles that Saturday and she walked most of them with us. Tough little thing. 

What have we been doing since then?  I have no idea. It seems as is it has raining forever. Forever being 3 weeks. Our daily walks have stopped. The rain and then my friend that walked with me, her kids are out of school now, so it just kinda stopped. I miss it. I got a sore throat. I also snore, according to the Mr. I'm certainly not dignified, but apparently I'm heading straight to redneck. 

One of my personal goals this summer was to learn to tolerate more dirt. Outside that is. I'm trying. But I hate it. But still trying. I let her play, then she fills her watering cans and ends up totally soaked EVERY single day and then rolls in the grass. Or sand. Or mud. Or all three. There are just no words to say exactly how I feel about this. But that I'm still trying. 

I got all types of nonsense going on outside in my backyard.  Everything is half done.  I made a raised bed for a few little vegs.

We redid a flower bed. 

I actually planted flowers and mulched. 

Actually went to a plant swap. Lol. I had NO idea what any of it was, but I happily chose plants and happily planted them. We will see what they turn out to be. 

Unbelievable. Right?  I painted the blocks on the bottom edge of the house and the metal doors going to the basement. Caulking cracks. Now we rebuild the wood around the pool edge and got a load of sand getting ready for the pool. 

I ripped up under the picnic table to put pavers under it. Bought the pavers. They are sitting there looking at me. I made half of my stepping stones and then planted in the ground to keep so much grass going in the pool and house. Rigged up a cheapo hammock. 

I even planted flowers in the window planter boxes in the shed. Who am I? My fingers and toes looks like alligator skin and I grew my first wart. I mean, it's about the little things, right, that's what they say. And I didn't even hold a toad. 

I have anyways hated all outside work, and basically didn't do it. You know that Bible verse that says everyone has a gift. I just figured mine out after 34 years. I float well.  It's my gift. I told G that once the pool is up, I'm going to do nothing but swim (float).  We will see how that works out for me. 

We basically work a day, then it rains for four. Last night J and I was out and then it just poured. I said pooie... And we just laughed and jumped and ran around the driveway acting like clowns. She thought it was the icing on the cake. A man was walking down the road and he actually stopped and stood and stared.  

 

We need to seize these moments more. I'm too busy staring at the serious and not lifting my eyes to see the beauty. Because life is a gift. Every little smile is a gift. 

Lord, open my eyes. 

"I keep you from crying"

I cried after praying in front of the clinic today. You know why?  Because it's overwhelming in every way. More babies have been aborted here at this clinic than the amount that lives in my town. 

This clinic used to be open 6 days a week but praise God it is down to being open two days a week! 

My daughter asked, "why you cry, Mom?"  I told her again how we pray for the mamas, daddies, and the babies. 

Several minutes later after I pulled myself together, she spoke from her car seat. "I will keep you ever ever" "I keep you from crying"

Oh my!  And then she just makes me love her more.