The people in your Court

So I don't even know how is happened but all a sudden I'm signed up for a volleyball game. I was still blinking in unbelief as i sat in my car with my flip flops in my hand as I pulled in against the court. 

My coworker asked if I wanted to... I hesitated. Another coworker said "I'll do it". Ok. Then.

I'm out. Then Miss I'll do it had plans and needed a replacement and I was told that I was playing. Really. 

I never said yes. 

Next I was told that I was playing every Monday for 8 weeks and then a play off.

Eyes blinking. 

Another coworker was telling me not to palm it but to finger it. What?!  I just smiled. Like I knew what she was talking about. No idea. 

I don't do competition. Period. I'm not good. 

I just do my best. I don't need people to make me feel inadequate. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing barefoot, as a sweet lady explains what the goal is. Sure I have played before as fun, but I feel like my eyes are wide and that I have no idea what a ball is. 

I have seen in my life how sin works.  That it sneaks up on you.  You are unsure and then suddenly you are against the wire. Being somewhere you don't want to be. You are pretty sure you should run, but you feel like your feet are in quick sand.  Your heart knows better but you just..., well just don't have the strength. No strength.  Chains wrapped around your arms. Heart is bleeding. 

This is where your team comes in. Those people that are in your court. We are a team. And now it's not a personal battle. It is our battle. Do I trust them? Or better yet, am I trustworthy? Do I have their back as they fall?  Do we have the strength to raise each other up?  

Even if we have failed. Even if I have fallen. 

May we again stand in courage and boldness.  May we never forget that God is a forgiver.  May we stand in faith that God is the team captain. 

My July 4th

I go all out. Seriously. 

My friends are doing all Pinteresty food and decorating. 

But I make real mashed pototoes. Finger licking good mashers. 

And I clean my toilet. 

These are special times, peeps. Dont forget it. 

We still have freedom. I still can pray, and worship God. 

And make mashers and clean. 

Praise God!  

Hope you made these days as special as I have. 

People that make people feel normal.

So I took the assistant manager position.  I want to give it back every day.  Customer service can drain a soul.

In the middle of all that, my favorite coworker moved to a different office.  I miss her every day. I always drag my feet at new employees.  And she was one of those too, I didn't like her for a least a month.  But then somehow she became my favorite.  Like for example, she taught me to run, always encouraged me, never told me that I was too slow.  I learned to love it and to use it as a stress reliever.  She made me feel ok about having stinky feet because she was beautiful and no one looked down on her smelly feet.  She was hilarious.  Hands down, the funniest person ever.  Maybe because we both had warped sense of humor.  She loved sugar, yup straight up, just like me.  In fact, she just made jam this week, just to eat it plain.  Be still my heart.  And the best part, she never looked down on me because I was "different".  Never acted embarrassed to be around a plain olde menno.  

Moral of the story
You just can't find a friend like that every day.  We were not the huggy type of friends, in fact I tried to threaten that she was going to get a hug on her last day, and she said "no you are not".  In fact, I never told her at all how much I like her.  Or how much it meant to me that she accepted me as I was.  I may never. But you, if you have a friend like this, You ShOULD. Tell them!

Because friends like this, they are one in a million.  Never forget to thank God for those people that just make your life better. 
    

The calm after the storm

Last week as I tried to paint, tears kept dripping on the canvas.  Eyes too cloudy to see the details. 

I told G that if I would paint what was in my soul, it would have probably been black with a blood dripping heart and lots of splatter. 

It was just too much for my heart.  Broken relationships, feeling full anger and my being to stubborn to forgive, my best coworker friend leaving my office, being offered the assistant manager again (I've already declined twice), the reminder that I'm a failure of a friend, and Mother's day just reminding me my daughter is not in my arms. 

My husband and I did a mud run this weekend and stayed in the city for the night.
You can "run" from the pain, but it will always catch up with you.  I forgot the pain for about a day.  Then 2 elephants climbed on.

Face your demons head on, don't run, don't turn your back.  God will give courage and strength.  Never veer from God's Word.  


Tonight, I felt the total opposite.  I felt what happens when you surrender. When you forgive others and forgive yourself for your own failures, give up your rights and fall into God.  No, it doesn't fix/ take away my problems, but it lighens the elephant on my shoulders.

Peace.  Perfect Peace.  God filled moments.  Please stop the time.  Stop the ticking seconds.  These are the moments.

Too proud to come in last?

I have been working towards the goal of doing a duathon.  Running longer distances.  Bike riding.  But all a sudden I AM scared.  Afraid that I'll be a loser.. That I can't attain.  My heart tells me to run for those that can't.  In faith I'm still moving forward.  I bought a helmet and borrowed a bike, but I just can't get myself to officially sign up.  

Nothing to eat in the house, but still a beautiful Day!!

Every Year is a Celebration

It is our Anniversary today but...

It was one of those mornings as you woke up that you looked down expectantly to see tire marks down across your body. Only a bull dozer could make you feel like this.  But in fact you were still laying in bed.

It was a Monday that means we see nothing of each other, I work till 8, he has class till 9 or 10.

It always was one of those mornings that you were running late for work and you got into you car and the fuel was on E.

It was one of those days that you tried two gas pumps and neither worked.

I tried to stay quiet at work applying your mother's old wise saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all"



13 years..  What a odd number.  Nothing great I thought.  Who celebrates 13?
...but yesterday I got a funny card and a gift
...but today mid morning, I got a flower delivery.  It was for G&me.  It was from Mom and Dad.  Beautiful daisies, lilies, and carnations. 
...but this afternoon 13 Gorgeous roses were delivered to my work
...but this evening little cupcakes were delivered personally to my back door.

Then I started thinking,
I have friends, family, coworkers that are happy to see love.  Thrilled to see roses.  Happy for us, so happy that they remember us.  For our 13 years
EVERY year TOGETHER is a celebration.  I see broken marriages around me, or if they are not broken, many of them don't "work" well.

So YES, I celebrate.  Love, humor, companionship, best friends for 13 years.