Then the loss of not having the chance to lavishly love her poured over me, crushing me yet again.
Way back then, God called us, we believed, so we confidently moved forward in faith. Late in the year of 2019, we were given the first picture of our sweet would be second daughter.
She was 2 years old.
And then for years, we fought stumbling forward on our knees, clinging to Jesus.
Then the door slammed shut in our faces, our bodies piling up on the outside. A funeral of what? Dreams. Beliefs.
Where was this God that moves mountains?
We stumbled through five years of heart crushing pain for what?
She just turned seven years old.
You may ask why I still believe in a God when horrible things happen. I still wonder every single day why God would ask us to follow Him to a dead end. How will He be able to redeem this?
Do you have questions too? Do you wonder how God is going to redeem you and your situations?
I can scream WHY??? and have temper tantrums at God!!! You can too.
But one thing that I have learned that it doesn’t help. Bitterness and anger will just eat your soul alive. Don’t even think of peace. Ask me how I know. Zero out of ten recommend.
I’m still trying to trust His plan. I still don’t get it, but I’m guessing I never will.
But I can still say that I would never have made it through without Him. What hope do I have without Him? He has been faithful even through the days that the tears never stop. He has been faithful when I feel alone.
No He didn’t move my mountain. Didn’t even budge it. You may think that is proof enough that He has failed. But I don’t believe that.
He is going to make a way through the darkness.
My devotions had this quote today “God has a perfect plan in the midst of a million imperfect realities”.
He works through mysterious ways.
It could be through a hot pink basket dropped off at your house.
It may be the 1000’s of prayers whispered over the years for Zuri. And us.
It may be a song.
It may be a child’s smile at the school cafeteria.
It may be 7 yellow roses in honor of her 7 yrs.
It may be the woman’s child that bought Zuri’s stroller.
It may be a faithful husband.
It may be a counselor that prays over you.
It may be how you feel like you are on Holy Ground.
It may be your daughter begging you to sleep with her.
It may be the high, low, buffalo talks.
It may be in the rocks that you find that are shaped in hearts.
It may be in the change of my heart.
I promise He will show up in the little things but you have to promise to look for Him in them even in all the brokenness. Sometimes they are so tiny that it feels ridiculous. But don’t give up, He is here.
