Yesterday was one of "those" days

Do you ever feel....
like I'm in the middle of a desert and its 110 degrees.  I haven't had any shade or water or food.  I'm laying flat out about to die.  Can't even wiggle my toes.  I am dryed up.  So little life.
And within five hundred feet you can see your "friends" in a swimming pool sipping drinks, laughing your direction. 
Yesterday, I felt like the heavy weight of the world was on me.  How you can be surrounded with people and still be alone.  ALONE
I have a friend that would tell me that I need meds.  I feel like heavy days are just normal ever so often.  I really don't think that numbing heart pain in the right answer for me.  I could erase most of my heart pain if I chose to never think about orphans again.  Is that fair?  Or to turn my heart away from the struggling?  I believe that God gives me days that are down, so I start to think about other people's pain. 

So that I pray harder.
Speak wiser.
Listen more.
 

Grumpiness

I have realized that the dirtier my house is and becomes, the grumpier I get. 

After two days of having a yard sale and both days being hot hot, I am tired, very tired. We took our first swim of the year half way through clean up. That helped but then coming in to a exploded house, pthhh.

I decided to just get to the vacuum cleaner.  I couldn't stop smiling as the clumps of dirt rattled up the pipe. Then I stood. And stood. And turned in a circle. And smiling at the non clunkiness. 

So I decided that is why God has not sent me my child. One can not have a clean house with a child. One can't not be grumpy all the time either. One must get used to food and grass stuck on one's toes. 

I will try again tomorrow. But today I have clean toes.